Stupid Time Zones!!!

Folks, I've have finally reached my limit! Like a cartoon character, my eyes have shot out of my head and smoke is coming out of my ears. Ah-ooooo-ga!

Today is the final day of Humor Bloggers Dot Com Anti-Injustice Campaign. I had in mind exactly what I was going to write until I popped over there this morning to take a look at what the other members had posted. There it was at the top of the home page...The Last Injustice submitted by nonamedufus. Ah-ooooo-ga!

In his post, Dufus goes on-an-on about what a bunch of snot-nosed, punch line deprived brats we are. He whines how he took part in this injustice carnival as if he were the only one over there with a creative bone in his body and having the guts to participate for the entire month...so dutifully. Get this... then he takes the easy way out, he provides links to all of his related posts for the past month. Pffffft!

I hear you out there, "Why are your panties in a wad, MeMe?" I'll tell you why. I was going to write the same damn thing. But, now if I do, I'll be tagged as a copy-cat, a post stealer or worse...just another dumb blond.

So, what's my rant? Time zones!!!

You see, Dufus lives in the eastern part of Canada and he has at least a 3 hour jump on me. For all I know, they may have some special time zone up there in the great white north that may push him 4 or 5 hours ahead of me. In fact, I believe he just might write his posts the day before and schedules them to appear at 4:00 or 5:00 AM his time. That's 1:00 or 2:00 AM my time. Oh, the injustice!

Now, this has really got my brain turning this morning, not to mention having to stick my eye balls back into their sockets. And, all of this, without a full cup of coffee. I will not get up right after I've gone to bed just so I can beat everyone else to the punch. Time zones or not, I will not be scooped again!!! I will work smarter not harder.

Yeah you, Mr. Canadian bacon eating, smarty pants, humur-huggy blogger, you'll have to get up mighty early to scoop me again. My idea for the first 26 days of December is to present a letter of the alphabet each day - I'm calling this series The Fractured ABC's of Christmas. Scoop that!!!

Caption This! No. 20 Winner!

Hello everyone. I traveled. I visited. I ate. I returned. Taaa-daah!

Let's get to the matter at hand - the winner of Caption This! Wooo-hooo!

But, before we get to the wining caption, The Panel has decided a few are to receive a most-honorable mention. They are:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said
"Bud likes me to tickle him with my horns while I like him to poke me with his antlers." Jeb said during his interview on Real Sex.

MA Fat Woman said
Little Ralph just smiled when asked how long he had to wait before he got his own tail.

moooooog said:
Bikers: Always horny.

nonamedufus said:
The annual gay viking biker bondage and beastiality swap meet in New Orleans was an event not to be missed and Buddy and Skeezix were revved up, if you know what I mean.

Thank you all for playing!

The winner of this week's Caption This! and recipient of The Golden Phallus is...drum roll, please... Renal Failure, the Humor Blogger that writes nothing but wild fabrications and lies. Congratulations! Be sure to take the time to pop over and give Renal Failure a read.

Now, for the winning caption.....

"Welcome to the Nordic Gay Pride Biker parade!" says Grand Marshal Jackalope Jim and his life partner Olaf Two-Tails.

Thanks again for playing, hope to see you all again Wednesday for another edition of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!

Black Friday

Happy Thanksgiving

Here's wishing you and yours the happiest of Thanksgivings.

Me-Me's Playhouse Caption This! No. 20

Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of Caption This!

Take a look at the photo below. Enter your captions and, if you impress The Panel, you'll take home the coveted Golden Phallus trophy. You may enter as often as you like. Then, return here Saturday for the announcement of the winning caption.

And, if you like captioning, I have a few other place you can stop by to try your luck: nonamedufus, EttaRose and Soccer Mom . Plus that Old Silly, Marvin, has his contest up tomorrow.

Hunting Near An Active Volcano Is Dangerous

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm taking the easy way out today. I hope you enjoy this re-post from November 2008. Oh, you've read it since then? Okay, so it's a re-post of a re-post from last April. Sue me!

I was out earlier this week checking the progress of the citrus trees. I am really excited by the number of fresh, juicy oranges, lemons and grapefruits that will soon be ripe for the pickin’. While taking inventory, a shot rang out. I ducked! Seconds later, more shots. Holy shit!

Laying on the ground and biting the dust during shotgun fire is a weird experience. All kinds of things run through your mind – like, when is it safe to stand to a crouch and run like hell for cover? After a few minutes, I bravely headed back up to the house. Half way to the security of hiding in my bathroom with the door locked, another shot rang out. And it was much closer than the previous shots. I hit the ground…again!

If I could just reach my truck, I would honk the horn to let them know there are people in the general vicinity. I began crawling along the ground like Rambo. Man, am I out of shape! Belly-crawling takes a lot of energy, especially when your heart is already pumping 90-to-nothing. Okay, I…can…make…it. Not to mention, this would be an inopportune time to meet up with, yep, a rattlesnake. I had to put that fear behind me and continue crawling.

I finally made it to the truck, but why in this world did I lock the damn thing? I’m out in the middle of nowhere, last check - zero crime. Just a little further and I’d be in the house. (And, speaking of bathrooms…) I finally reached the door, whew, safe and sound. I grabbed the keys and ran back to the truck as if I were Flo Jo and could outrun the spray of speeding pellets. Adrenaline, obviously, gives me a false sense of my true abilities. What a rush!

I looked like some whacked-out cartoon character - dirt on my face and clothing, darting from cactus-to-cactus and then fumbling with the keys - just to honk the horn. I decided to play a little tune rather than laying on it, figuring they’d think someone was in trouble and come running to help. So, I played “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”. I kind of got into it, I was singing along as I beeped. It was a difficult selection to play on the truck-horn, but effective nonetheless.

I did have enough sense about me to know they were not shooting at me, I hoped. But, who wants to be in the line of fire? I walked back into the house and checked the Arizona Game and Fish site and discovered it was deer season. (Note to self: Print and post hunting schedules to refrigerator.) The landscaping hides the ranch house from all angles, they probably were not aware they were so close to anyone’s home. I’m sure they were aware after my tribute to AC/DC.

As I thought more about the hunters, I decided putting signs up along the property line might be a good thing. I wondered what would capture their attention. You know, so they’d be more careful. I went back to the computer and began designing warnings to hunters. Here’s a few I have placed in clear plastic sleeves and posted along the fence:

PRIVATE PROPERTY
KEEP OUT
If You Want To Keep Your Privates

WARNING
Hunting Near An Active
Volcano Is Dangerous!

DANGER
Armed Wildlife
On The Premises

LISTEN UP!
I Don’t Hunt in Your Front Yard
Don’t You Dare Hunt In Mine!

I can only assume these signs are working, no shots have been fired anywhere near the ranch since their placement. And, if I do here shots again, I already have my next truck-horn song prepared – “Janie’s Got A Gun”. I did hear a truck stop down on the road late this afternoon. It was really quiet and out of the silence came laughter from a couple of guys - the truck then pulled away. I high-fived myself and went about gathering wood for my evening fire. Ahhh, life here at the ranch is good.

Quotable: Thanksgiving Day

1. What is Thanksgiving? Family, turkey dinner and dress rehearsal for Christmas. - Unknown

2. I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

3. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. - Erma Bombeck

4. Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. - PJ O'Rourke

5. We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin

6. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. - Jon Stewart

Who's talking dirty? Listen carefully this Thanksgiving.....

1. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

2. Just lay back and take it easy--I'll do the rest."

3. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

4. How long will it take after you stick it in?

5. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

6. Just reach in and grab the giblets.

7. Whew...that's one terrific spread!

8. I am in the mood for a little dark meat.

9. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

10. And he forces his way into the end zone!

Sea Of Joy

It was in 1969 when Eric Clapton, Steve Winwood, Ginger Baker and Ric Grech formed Blind Faith and released their only album which was self-titled. Sea of Joy has always been my favorite cut from this album. Enjoy!

Caption This! No. 19 Winner!

Here we go! We have a winner!

I've said it before, "You people are hilarious". And I'm saying it again, "You people are hilarious".

Thank you all for playing Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! Several of you have received a nod from The Impartial Panel of Three. The following receive a most-honorable mention for your efforts in this week's captioning contest.

moooooog said:
New photos suggest that Sir Edmund Hillary did not, in fact, die on Mount Everest but is instead living a lavish life with sherpas as a transvestite prostitute.

Marvin D Wilson said:
It's the hormone injections. Saving me from dying of colon cancer, but now I find myself watching Oprah.

Knucklehead said:
Strip poker turned out to be a bad idea at the recent Congressional Campout.

Freak Smack said:
At sea level Grandpa's a typical old-man, bingo at 3, early bird at 4, 5 o'clock news in bed, but get him in the mountains and he parties like he's J. Edgar Hoover!

These are great, aren't they?

Here we go! This week's winner of The Golden Phallus goes to Danica!!!

Uh oh, I'm unable to access Danica's profile to give her/his blog a plug. Darn it!

Congratulations, Danica, well done.....

Steve was a busy man. Evidently, he didn't heed the warning of
"Wait 'til we get our Hanes on you."

Hope to see you all again this Wednesday for the special Thanksgiving edition of Caption This!

Things Are Tough All Over

Yesterday it was announced the state of Arizona is receiving a loan of 700 million dollars from Bank of America just to keep the lights on. What? BofA loaned $700 million to a state government that is already $2 billion in debt? Oh, boy.

In addition to this news was the announcement of more job lay-offs. Yep, in a state where the unemployment rate is fast approaching 15%. Which makes it really tough for people like me who live here.

You see, I have been searching for a job for over a year now and thank goodness for all the options we have these days when looking for a job. Not that it's done me any good thus far. However, I am flexible, unencumbered and able to relocate.

I have filled out an application plus submitted my resume to every online service, paid money to online and offline headhunters and I also conduct independent searches on my own. I know a few people that have found jobs on Craig's List and are really happy in their new positions. As a result, I have added Craig's List to my daily search.

Just this morning I found this help wanted ad.....

Unfocused Guitar Player Looking For Sherpa/Life Manager

In need of someone to help me organize and focus my life. Sort of like a personal assistant, although I won't be having you do very much. This gig will probably involve sitting around a lot and doing very little. The compensation offered will reflect that. It may also involve listening to me complain, offering advice, doing tasks for me that I could easily do myself, but don't want to, helping me find a job that I like, and picking up beer. These "Sessions" could go on for an hour, or you could party with me if your cool, and it might end up going on for a couple days.

The biggest thing is to help find jobs for me that you think I might like and send my resume for me. You should also possess the ability to make a resume for me that disguises the fact that I have very few skills as far as work is concerned.

The ideal candidate for this gig has no actual skills in the area of life management, has low expectations, and is an attractive girl.

E-mail me for more info and the opportunity to party lavishly with a gaudy and eccentric rock and roller.

Oh boy, things are tough all over.

HP TouchSmart 600 Giveaway

Just in time for Christmas...

Who wouldn't want to win a brand new, state of the art HP computer? Man alive, this baby has all the bells and whistles!


While I was making my rounds, I ran across this awesome opportunity over at Ann's Snap, Edit & Scrap. Though I usually don't participate in these type of promotions, this one is just too good to pass up.

Jolly Mom is offering this great giveaway beginning Monday, November 23rd. By going over to Jolly Mom's now, you can earn extra entries by announcing the giveaway on your blog and adding the contest banner (see sidebar).

Pop on over, you'll find all the details here.

Raspberry Awards

This is part in a series at HBDC Anti-Injustice Campaign.

No, this isn't your typical blogger award. In fact, it's not a blogger award at all. I'm talking about blowing a raspberry. You know, the sound you make by sticking out your tongue between your lips and blowing to make the sound of flatulence. Yeah, that raspberry.

There are those times when only the raspberry - the razz, the razzie - seems appropriate for situations that frustrate us during our day-to-day lives.

Today, I award the razzie to the following.....

Here's to you, Ms. DMV Lady, for all the times you've look at me over the top of your glasses and sent me to the back of the line, regardless of how I've organized my paperwork, to fill out just one more form and for having me repeat "my story" when I reach your window again as if you've never seen me before then delivering the news that I'm in the wrong line.

And to you, Mr. Inconsiderate Driver, for cutting me off in traffic so you can get to wherever you are going 10 seconds ahead of time and for waving at me as if we're friends when I honk at you to avoid an accident or killing me in the process only to spot you pulling in right behind me arriving at the same destination and ignoring me as I try to make eye contact.

And, how about you, Ms. Customer Service? Here's for putting me on hold to listen to your crappy ads about how great your company is for 30 minutes after I tell you "my story" and you promise to resolve my issue then transfer me to another department where I have to start with "my story" all over again only to listen to more crappy ads while I am on hold.....again, and again.

Here's to you, Mr. Bank Teller, when you ask me for a third piece of identification even though I worked at this branch location for three years and trained you for the position you're currently in and staring at my account information on your computer screen, which seems like forever, then calling your supervisor (who I also trained) for an approval to cash my benefits check issued by your bank.

And, finally, to you, Ms. Retail Clerk. Remember me? I was just in your store yesterday when you told me how wonderful I looked in hot pink and not everyone could pull-off that dress but, because of my skin tone and hair color, it was perfect and, now that I want to return my purchase, you have the nerve to ask me if I purchased it at your location then informed me, rather smugly, that this item, because it was on sale, qualifies for exchange only.

I salute you all! *razz*

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 19

Hey there, hi there, ho there - it's time to play another edition of Caption This!

In case you are playing for the first time, the rules are simple. Take a look at the photo, enter you caption in the comments below, enter often and return on Saturday when The Impartial Panel of Three's decision will be announced. The prize? Why it's The Golden Phallus.

And, for those of you that love captioning games, please visit nonamedufus, EttaRose and Soccer Mom for more fun. Plus that Old Silly, Marvin, has his contest up tomorrow.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

This is part in a series at HBDC Anti-Injustice Campaign.

This past weekend I spent some time with a longtime friend, Jodi. A sleepover. When asked if I wanted to watch a movie, I was game. So, I settled in on the sofa with a bag of chips and a soda.

It's nice watching a movie in HD on a big flat screen with surround sound. I'm still holding on to my 27" stereo set, the one with picture-in-a-picture that I've never quite figured out how it works. Oh, but I do have cable - I'm a second tier subscriber.

Jodi put the movie on and, immediately, I knew something wasn't right. Okay, maybe this is how the opening was filmed. The picture was clear, it was just a little jittery. It took me a minute to realize that this movie was just released in the theaters less than a week ago. Now, wait a minute! When I asked my friend, "How did you get this?", I was told, "Don't ask, don't tell".

About five minutes into the movie Jodi remarked, "This is a hand-held". "What in the hell is a hand-held?", I asked. She didn't say anything, she just turned an gave me "the look". Then, like a beacon of light bringing home a wayward ship in the night, I got it. This was a pirated movie!

I knew it! Since when do feature films have laugh tracks? And the coughing I was hearing was not done by someone off-camera. Well, it was done off-camera, but by someone sitting in the theater close to the person handling the covert filming. I became very distracted by the goings on in the theater.

I had been transported from Jodi's sofa to a seat in the theater. Not only did the laughter become annoying, but so did the crunching of popcorn and the passers-by on their way to the concession stand or the restroom. I've never understood why people don't take care of their business before the movie starts. Geeez.

This has become a huge black market industry. These pirates punch a hole in the cup holder in the arm of their seat, they raise the arm and then place the camera to film the movie. Later they take it to a location, usually their home, and record thousands of copies and distribute them to homes here in the US and other countries. And, yes, they are even obtainable online, which is how Jodi got it.

Is this an injustice to the movie industry? Perhaps. But I feel it's a bigger injustice to the unsuspecting, like me. The next time you are in a theater, just remember to sit quietly or you could become a supporting actor.

Half-Baked Ideas

Oh, man. It was bound to happen sooner or later. After 202 posts this year, I am stuck. I have started three different posts this morning and none of them worked. What am I to do? I've got blogger's block.

First, I wrote about a situation last night about how a man was holding up the line at the check out. He wanted to know, "Why there no sistahs working up in here, where's the diversity?" He asked this of the Native American checker and the Hispanic manager. As I wrote this story, well, it just fell flat.

Then I began writing a list about talk in the kitchen and at the table on Thanksgiving Day. You know, how the most innocent conversation can sound dirty. Such as, "Wow, what a spread!", "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" and "Talk about huge breasts!" Lists, they are so overdone, I scrapped it.

Finally, I was ready to post about some weird things in the news. Like the Texas man who says a low-flying bird and a dropped cell phone caused him to crash his million-dollar car into a salt marsh. Meh, who cares? His insurance will cover it.

So, I've given up. Sorry, dear readers. I've got nothing for today, but some half-baked ideas. The good news is, tomorrow is a new day.

Peace Train

Caption This! No. 18 Winner!

We have a winner!

Thank you all for playing Caption This! The Impartial Panel of Three has handed down their decision for this week's photo. Before we get to the winning caption, the following have received a most-honorable mention.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said.....Aerobic exercise is supposed to be good for that muffin top...at least that's what I heard.

Bill S. said.....Muffy the Zombie Slayer

The Old Silly said.....Will you please hold still so I can kick your ass?!

Ann said.....Zombie night at the frat party really started kicking once Molly showed up.

The winning caption was submitted by Dufus over at nonamedufus. He runs a caption contest over on his blog each Wednesday too. If you have stopped by his place before, be sure to do so. Congratulations, Dufus takes home The Golden Phallus!!!

Now, for the winning caption.....

The guys on the football team were beginning to regret inviting
Barb to the cheerleader try-outs. She just seemed out of step.

Thanks again for playing, hope to see you all again next Wednesday. Until then, have a great weekend!

I'm Headed For The Big House

This post is a part of the HBDC Anti-Injustice Campaign series

Yes, ladies and gentleman, I'm bound for the big house. The big house? Yep, the house of correction - the slammer - the black hole - jail!

Why? Because I won't be able to pay the tax for the insurance the government will mandate if ObamaCare passes the Senate. I could be gone for awhile - up to a year, plus I may have pay a hefty fine.

Injustice!

I've written a little song to better explain my cries for justice. Please, sing along.

Jail-O
(sung to Dayo)

Jail-O
Jail-ail-ail-O
Health care come and she goin' away

Jail, I say
Jail, I say
Jail, I say
Jail-ail-ail-O
Health care come and she goin' away

Come Ms. Pelosi please gimme a break
(Health care come and she goin' away)
I'll pay for my own doctor when my belly ache
(Health care come and she goin' away)

I work all day and they tax my pay
(Health care come and she goin' away)
With no insurance they'll take me away
(Health care come and she goin' away)

6 months, 7 months, 12 months BANG!
(Health care come and she goin' away)
I'll be workin' on Obama's chain gang
(Health care come and she goin' away)

Jail-O
Jail-ail-ail-O
Health care come and she goin' away

Jail, I say
Jail, I say
Jail, I say
Jail-ail-ail-O
Health care come and she goin' away

For Me??? Thank You!!!

Now, mind you, I've never been one to play by "the rules", but in the past week I have been honored by several fellow bloggers. So, today I would like to take the time to thank each one of them. Plus one of my bloggin' buddies has recognized me for my efforts over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com.

Can you hear my horn? Toot-Toot!

I ask you, dear readers, to take some time today and follow the links to visit each one of these bloggers. There's something here for every one.

First, I would like to thank Julia over at Midwest Moms. She thinks The Screaming Me-Me is Over The Top.



Secondly, a BIG thank you to Beverly over at So This Is Wonderland for the Keativ Blogger award.



And, finally, a shout out to Buggys over at Cute As A Buggy for the Honest Scrap award.


Thank you all! I really appreciate the recognition and you'll find yourself starring in "The Awards Show" located on my side bar.

Now, a H-U-G-E thank you goes out to Dufus at nonamedufus. It's not every day a blogger dedicates an entire post to recognize another blogger. I was very touched by Dufus' kind words in his post, MadMadMargo - Miss Artistic Justice Fighter. Thank you!

Yeah, I hang with nonmedufus and so should you.


Have a great day everyone!!!

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 18

It's time for Caption This!

I'm not real sure what's going on here, you tell me.....


C'mon, give it your best shot, impress The Impartial Panel of Three and take home The Golden Phallus. Enter often, the winning caption will be announced here Saturday.

So, if you really like captioning, be sure to stop by Soccer Mom's, nonamedufus' and EttaRose's for more fun. Gotta play to win!

Off The Top Of My Head

It's happened to everyone of us, to men and women alike. An injustice we probably have experienced more than once in our lives. It's regrettable. It's embarrassing. It makes you want to hide, lie to your friends and even take a sick day.

What is this injustice?

The bad haircut!

We make the appointment or walk-in on a whim. We take a seat in a chair similar to the chair at the dentist's office. We are at the mercy of a man or woman with a pair of scissors. They spin you around to where you cannot see. Snip, snip here - snip, snip there. You watch what was to be "only a trim" fall onto the floor. You wait with nervous anticipation.

You are at the hands of someone that may be having a bad day. Or they could have some weird perception of what really looks good on top of your head. You cringe as they gasp under their breath. More hair seems to fall onto the floor than you had expressed in an attempt to cover up the mistake. You begin to rationalize.

They begin to style your new cut. Loads of different products are applied which smell great individually, but now your hair smells like a rotting fruit salad. They comb, blow-dry, brush, and curl. They get front and center, the last lock is in place. Finally, the finishing spray.

Just before they spin you around, you're aware of other stylists and patrons trying not to notice. Your heart starts to beat faster, your breath is short. It's like coming up on a car accident. You know you shouldn't look, but this time - it's you. Then you hear those words, "So how do you like it?"

Your eyes widen, you squirm in your seat. You even lean forward to take a closer look. You look at yourself at different angles. The mirror is held for you to take a look at the back of your head. As you try to compose yourself, you smile nervously, then you answer, "It's okay, it's fine". But, what you are really thinking is, "Shit!, I look like Kate Gosselin".

The plastic cape, that holds what used to be your hair, is removed. Your reach for your wallet remembering that their scissors are still within reach. Your hand over their fee plus you even give them a tip. You walk quickly to your car and stare at yourself in the rear view mirror. You sigh and try to calm yourself by thinking, "It'll grow back, it's only hair."

For more injustice, tune in to HBDC Anti-Injustice Campaign.

Quotable: Abbie Hoffman

This is a part of the series of the HBDC Anti-Injustice Campaign.

1. The '60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great.

2. Expedience, not justice, is the rule of contemporary American law.

3. Free speech means the right to shout 'theater' in a crowded fire.

4. I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

5. I was probably the only revolutionary referred to as cute.

6. Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger.

7. The best way to educate oneself is to become part of the revolution.

8. It's embarrassing when you try to overthrow the government and you wind up on the Best Seller's List.

9. All you kiddies remember to lay off the needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

10. Wake Up America!

Sentimental Journey

I was reminded today that is has been 40 years since my favorite band released their first album. The Blues Blogger sent me an alert this morning regarding a post he had made. When I clicked over, the past 40 years rushed over me.

Okay, I hear you all saying, "What's that got to do with a humor blog?" Well, nothing. Absolutely nothing. But it does has something to do with me, personally.

I could go on-and-on about how I've listened to The Allman Brothers Band for the past 40 years, how many shows I've attended and how many times I got lost in the guitar licks of Duane Allman. He, alone, is responsible for my air-guitar playing.

Instead, I have a playlist of my Top Five, all from the double-live At Fillmore East album circa 1971. For those of you that weren't around during the early years, all I can say is, you missed out.

This one is for you, Roseann.

Caption This! No. 17 Winner!

Where does the time go? I mean, really, where does it go? There's a saying, "The older you get, the faster time flies". Not that I'm denying my age, but I think I much prefer the saying, "My, how time flies when you are having fun".

And we're definitely have some fun here. You people are hilarious! There were so many funny captions submitted for this week's Caption This!. Thank you all for playing.

The Impartial Panel of Three emailed several times over the past couple days stating they were unable to contain themselves. Their decision was tough. They have asked me to present most-honorable mentions to the following.....

C: said...

"Madonna liked ALL of her new back-up dancers, but there was something about Nate that she just couldn't put her finger on..."

surveygirl46 said... Although his intent to lure his 5 year old twins away from Nicklelodean on Saturday mornings was a noble one, the terrified looks on their faces told Martin he probably went a bit overboard when he suddenly appeared at the breakfast table one morning, dressed as "live super-hero" Mr Party Favor.

Quirkyloon said...

"Shock the Monkey!"

Nooter said...

this is why you never, ever, order your party stripper off craigslist

Marvin D Wilson said... "God, I need a new agent. This? This is the best part he could find for me?"

Joel Klebanoff said...

No one is certain, but Bert's permanent state of unemployment might have something to do with what he wore to job interviews.

CatLadyLarew said...

Slap THIS... go on... just TRY it!

Jeremy from We Took the Bait said...

Nobody enjoys casual Fridays at the Spa and Pool Emporium more than Calvin.

We all know there can be only one winner of the coveted Golden Phallus. This week's winning caption goes to the the Humor Blogger known as Freak Smack. His blog, Smack A Freak At FreakSmack, is dedicated to the men and women who find themselves on the wrong end of the law. "This is a comedy site if you take the information here seriously maybe you should be smacked." Be sure to pay Freak Smack a visit today!


Now, for the winning caption.....

There are three rules for keeping a
Purple Tittied Water Wobbler

1) Don't get him wet
2) Keep him away from bright lights.... especially sunlight
3) The most important rule of all, no mater how much he cries, no mater how much he begs, never, NEVER... pet the monkey.

Thanks again everyone and I hope to see you all next week for another edition of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!

Injustice: Snoop Dogg vs. Bill O'Reilly

Injustice? I got your injustice right here.

Rapper Snoop Dogg takes on the FOX News opinionated commentator, Bill O'Reilly, in a debate regarding Mr. Dogg's chosen lifestyle. Dogg appeared on a TV talk show in Holland and was rather honest in his feelings towards Mr. O'Reilly. In response to an interview between O'Reilly and Dogg's attorney, a former backup singer, Dogg challenges O'Reilly to a meeting in his neighborhood.

Warning: Albeit necessary, this video contains strong language and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of this blogger. (smirk)

Roll tape.



Can I get and "Amen"?

Amen!


For more injustice humor, click over to Humor Bloggers Dot Com for the Anti-Injustice Campaign.

Road Trip Travails

Several years ago I was traveling back to Arizona from Colorado when I noticed my gas gauge was fast approaching “the red zone” and so was my bladder. Unfortunately, I was in a part of the country where gas stations are few and far between. And, pulling to the side of the road was not an option as you’re winding through mountain passes.

It had come to the point where I was doing everything I could to distract myself from my immediate situation. Just how many verses does “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain” have? As I hit the flatland, I spied a gas station just up the road and bonus, the sign read, “Clean Restrooms”.

Thank goodness there was little traffic as I crossed to the other side of the highway to stake my claim at the pump. I quickly swiped my credit card, placed the nozzle in the tank and made my way to the restroom. Damn! The door was locked. Skipping my way back to the island-cashier, I asked for the key. She opened the door to her bulletproofed domain and handed me a bright pink hula hoop with the key attached. What the.....? This was definitely a first.

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, again I’m skipping to make my way to relieve myself of an uncomfortable situation. I placed the key in the door, opened it and flipped on the light. Horror or all horrors – no toilet paper! Okay, back to the booth to ask for toilet paper. For some reason or another, the lady in the booth seemed to be put out with me as I made my request. Through the money slot, she slipped me four; four mind you, sections of toilet paper. Where's the justice? No time to argue, I’m back to the rest room with hula hoop and toilet paper in hand.

I entered the restroom and, as I was assessing the toilet seat, I discovered a small packet of Kleenex in my backpack. Yeah, I can cover the seat and will have plenty to spare. Ahhhhh. I washed my hands, grabbed the hula hoop and strolled back to my truck. I threw out some soda cans, the remainder of the three-day old bag of Cheetos and a banana peel. I then returned the nozzle to the pump.

I approached the booth to ask for my receipt and to return the restroom key. She opened the door for me to slip the hula hoop through and, back at her window, she slipped me the receipt through the cash slot. I’m telling you, she was not the friendliest person I’ve ever encountered. I walked a few steps towards my truck, reached into my pocket and tore off two of the sections the toilet paper I’d been given. I then pivoted to return to the booth.

I had to wait for her to finish her phone conversation. As she hung up the phone, she looked over her glasses at me and questioned, “Yeeessss?” I slipped the two sections back through the money slot and proudly stated, “Thanks, but I didn’t need all of this.” Back on the road again, I had to smile.


Yes, there are many injustices in this world, click over to Humor Bloggers Dot Com to read more.

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 17

Yes, Halloween has come and gone, but don't tell this guy!

Submit the most clever caption for this photo and you will be the proud winner of The Golden Phallus. Enter often and be sure to return on Saturday for the announcement of the winning caption.

Here are a few more caption contests where you can play to win, visit nonamedufus, Soccer Mom and EttaRose.

Good luck!

Defenders Of Justice

During the month of November, Humor Bloggers Dot Com will take on all the injustice that plagues the world. Why? Because no one else cares!!

To kick off this campaign, I have made a video which features these defenders of justice - the few, the proud, the super heroes of the revolution.

As you watch, make note of these brave women and men that will do battle against injustice this month. And, please, support their efforts.

Why Do You Think They Call It Dope?

(Lebanon, PA)...Police in central Pennsylvania say they've nabbed a real pothead.

They said an officer spotted 29-year-old Cesar Lopez inside a convenience store with a bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead.

Investigators said Lopez was seen peering inside his baseball cap early Saturday morning in Lebanon, about 75 miles northwest of Philadelphia. When Lopez looked up, the officer noticed a small plastic bag appearing to contain marijuana stuck to his forehead.

Police said the officer peeled the bag off Lopez's forehead and placed him under arrest. He has been charged with drug possession. Police do not know whether Lopez has an attorney.

Authorities say the sweatband of a baseball cap is a frequent hiding place for drugs.

And, while we're on the subject, I posted the following video last January. It still cracks me up!