Friday, March 27, 2009

How To Win Friends & Influence People

I know I've pissed somebody off when I.....

1. Write “for sexual favors” in the memo line of my checks.
2. Specify that my drive-through order is "TO-GO."
3. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
4. Make beeping noises whenever a large person backs up.
5. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping my hands over my ears and grimacing.
6. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
7. Staple pages together in the middle of the page.
8. Honk and wave to strangers.
9. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
10. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"Never mind, it's gone now."
11. Skip rather than walk as much as possible.
12. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of my chin. When nearly done, I announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
14. Sing along at the opera.
15. Sit in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Now it’s your turn to add to the list by posting in the comment section below. "I know I’ve pissed somebody off when I __________. "


  1. I know I've pissed somebody off when when I get into an elevator and push all the buttons.

  2. I know I’ve pissed somebody off when I when I start making screeching and crashing sound effect while someone else is driving.

  3. First of all, #4 is more of a public service.


    I know I've pissed somebody off after I punch them out and pinch their girlfriends bottoms.

    I know I've REALLY pissed somebody off if I accidentally reverse the above.

  4. iknow I've pissed myself off when cant remember to enter the damned verification word here and move to another site. I come back and write this whole thing again, only to get the word wrong. Then I hit backspace lose everything I wrote A GAIN and come backthe 3rd time

    OK now..

    I know I've pissed someone off when I stand at the side of the road pointing my blow dryer at on-coming traffic. When they slow down and find out I'm not a cop, they try to run me down with their cars. Luckily I can run VERY fast.

  5. I know I’ve pissed somebody off when I start ranting about the idiot driver I passed except now it's been 30 miles and a different highway.

    my vote #9 would be fun

  6. You just outlined a typical Friday for me!

  7. I know I've pissed someone off when I put the sexual harassment forms in the bottom drawer, and then whistle when the ladies' bend over to get one.

  8. I know I've pissed somebody off when I won't let anyone on the elevator without an appointment.

  9. I know I've pissed somebody off when I tell them exactly how fat those pants make them look. I mean come on did they use all of the polyester to make them? Aren't you worried that some circus is going to be ruined because they don't have a tent and no one needs a ticket to see the clowns? Do we blame you when skydives fall from the sky trailing only cords? Geez.

  10. I know I’ve pissed somebody off when I go in the "Ten Items or Less" lane with 27 items.

  11. I know I've pissed somebody off when I decline to buy lunch, saying, "I'm not hungry" and then proceed to eat most of their fries.

  12. When they say, "Man, you really pissed me off."

  13. I've actually done #8.
    Of course, out here in the middle of nowhere, if you honk and wave to strangers, they actually wave back.
    Kinda nice, in an odd sort of way.

    Here's one you could try:
    Sit in a bathroom stall for three hours, periodically mumbling "I'm so glad I brought that potato masher with me."

  14. Good advice, I'll try anything once.

  15. I know I've pissed someone off when laugh at a newborn baby.

    Newborns are just so funny looking.

  16. When I tell my boss,"Go do it yourself if you think it can be done in such a short duration."

  17. I know I've pissed somebody off... when they look pissed off.


    Eat Well. Live Well.

  18. I was arrested after writing "For Sex" on a check to the plumber. Charges were dropped but it wasn't a fun experience.


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