Thursday, April 30, 2009

25 Ways To Tell You've Grown Up


1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the weather channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".

8. You go from 130 days vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a T-shirt no longer qualify as dressed up.

10. You're the one calling the police because those $&@*!^# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes any more.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the sofa makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the entire date, not just the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit".

21. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".

22. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

23. 90% of your time in front of the computer is for "real" work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to the bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?".

BONUS:
26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. 

Is there something you'd like to add to the list? Perhaps, a moment that made you realize you're all grown up now? 

20 comments:

  1. Hilarious, especially #1 and #18....

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  2. Hysterical - yes I am hysterical trying to find ONE thing and no I cannot. Guess if I HAVE to be a grown up just don't call me OLD.

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  3. Mucho hilarious! And that pic is hysterical!

    "You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh!"

    heh heh

    ReplyDelete
  4. What if most of these fit, but I still wear my He-Man costume? Is it a sign of insanity, as my shrink says? Or just youthful vigor?

    ReplyDelete
  5. 26 out of 26. I wonder if I can overdose myself on high blood pressure medicine?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brilliant and true! Check, check and check. Oh, and I no longer laugh at commercials promising me that I can look 10 years younger - I used to guffaw and say things like, "But I don't WANT to look 12 again, ha ha!"

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  7. Other than #24, I can't really say I'm grow up yet.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ran the table. Thanks for throwing me into the middle age depression.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Heard my favorite song in the elevator AGAIN.

    This list is kickin' though. LMAO

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm in agreement with all of those. You can also add: You get more excited with the idea of taking a nap or a nice BM rather than have sex.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think the biggest one is, if given the chance to go back to those days, you'd say hell no. If you'd be willing to go back, you can't possibly know the benefits of being old.

    ReplyDelete
  12. 18 and 21 don't go together, at least, in my experience.

    ReplyDelete
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