1. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
2. What's another word for Thesaurus?
3. When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
4. Cross country skiing is great, if you live in a small country.
5. Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
6. Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
7. All those that believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.
8. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
9. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
11. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
12. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
13. A fool and his money are soon partying.
14. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
15. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
Steven Wright is one of the best. I remember how funny this guy was on stage and never, ever had to use one lousy curse word to prove it. What a master!!!
ReplyDeleteNot only do I love his sense of humour, but when you see him perform with that deadpan style, it makes his material even better.
ReplyDeleteLove #7.
One of my favorites from Wright:
ReplyDeleteSmoking cures weight problems...eventually
Oooh, excellent quotes!
ReplyDeleteI Love him! My favorite one is God dropping acid.. too funny
ReplyDeleteI only recently learned about him, (don't ask me how this happened) but he does have some really clever stuff.
ReplyDeleteOh, while I remember-- Me-Me, thank you for the link in your blogroll. Could you do me a favor when you get a chance and change its url to http://www.cabbagesnkings.net ? That's it's final resting place (er, not as grim as that, but you know what I mean.) :)
Number 14 is my mantra.
ReplyDeleteThese are GREAT! I need cheering up - perfect!
ReplyDeleteI heard this one once, but I'm not exactly sure if it's the same guy:
ReplyDelete'I knew a guy with wooden legs... and real feet.'
Also:
'I wanted to make ice, but I forgot the recipe.'
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI Love your blog, he is sooo funny, LMAO
Janet :)
@ Everyone - I'm so glad you all enjoyed Quotable: Steven Wright. He has always been a big favorite of mine. Thank you all for stopping by today. ~Me-Me
ReplyDelete