Thursday, October 1, 2009
I Brake For Garage Sales
Welcome buyers and thank you for coming to my garage sale!
I know my newspaper ads and signs say, "Open at 7"; but, feel free to arrive at 6. Please ring the doorbell several times, bang on the door and peer into the windows until I answer. I'll gladly open up early just for you.
Do show up with your unleashed dog and, of course, let him poop in my front yard. Yeah, my lawn-boy will clean it up later, no problem.
For your convenience, I've taken the time to price each and every item. Please keep asking over-and over, "How much do you want for this?" And, I know 25 cents is a fairly steep price; so, let's haggle for 5 minutes about it. I don't have anything else to do today.
In the mood for a cigarette? Step into the garage and light up. Just leave the butts on the garage floor or flick them into the yard. I'll take care of those for you too. It's my bad for not providing you with an ashtray.
What, now your McDonald's breakfast is going right through you? Of course, you can come in and use my bathroom. Be sure to look in the medicine cabinet and take any prescription meds you might need - no charge. You'll find the room spray under the sink, please use liberally.
Oh, you want to buy all my antiques at full price, but have no cash? Yes, I'll happily take your check. No worries, I'm sure you're an honest person. Next time, I'll be prepared to accept credit and debit cards.
As you leave, be sure to rev up the engine several times, blast the rap music and then lay scratch as you drive away. It's loud but, oh so cool.
Have a great day and thanks for stopping by!