Monday, November 23, 2009

Quotable: Thanksgiving Day


1. What is Thanksgiving? Family, turkey dinner and dress rehearsal for Christmas. - Unknown

2. I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

3. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. - Erma Bombeck

4. Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. - PJ O'Rourke

5. We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin

6. I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. - Jon Stewart

Who's talking dirty? Listen carefully this Thanksgiving.....

1. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

2. Just lay back and take it easy--I'll do the rest."

3. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

4. How long will it take after you stick it in?

5. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

6. Just reach in and grab the giblets.

7. Whew...that's one terrific spread!

8. I am in the mood for a little dark meat.

9. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

10. And he forces his way into the end zone!


14 comments:

  1. I love this list of things to look out for.

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  2. Oh that second list was hilarious and I loved the Jon Stewart quote.

    Why do Americans take a whole week to celebrate Thanksgiving, anyway? In Canada our Thanksgiving was in October, and one day was enough believe me. Plenty of time here between 2 turkeys - T'giving and Christmas.

    Happy Slaughter the Indians Day, Me-Me.

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  3. My daughter's in-laws were visiting here at Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. They are from Holland. We quickly explained Thanksgiving, indians, yada, yada. Then in response to the question "how do you celebrat?" Well, we eat, as we do on Christmas, Easter, 4th of July......It's an excuse to stuff ourselves, surrounded by family, of course.

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  4. I'm totally with O'Rourke on Thanksgiving. What a pain in the ass it is -- maybe because I do a lot of the cooking.

    And here's one more dirty Thanksgiving joke to add to your list:

    Grandpa's in the kitchen boning the turkey.

    ;)

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  5. I love Mike's comment.

    Talking dirty add-on: "I'll know when you're done when you fall asleep."

    I love Thanksgiving but I'm not real big on Christmas.

    Fun post!

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  6. Hilarious! LMBO!

    I love all the quotes. Kevin James is a hysterical freak!

    King of Queens lives on!

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  7. I'm still going with ham sandwiches and beer. I don't care how damned sexy a drumstick may be.

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  8. HYSTERICAL! I especially love Erma's comment on the 12 minutes - so true!

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  9. I love Thanksgiving, the only holiday that isn't completely commercialized. It's all about family and stuffing yourself silly. Hardly practice for Christmas, except the stuffing part, I don't drink nearly as much on Thanksgiving as I do on Christmas.

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  10. Don't forget the parade!

    She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.

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  11. Hehehehe.. thanks for the chuckles, needed those.. Loved #2..

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