Sunday, January 3, 2010

Gimme That Old Time Religion...Ha!

People of the flock, are you looking for answers to questions where organized religions and governments have failed you? Are you looking for money, weird sex and sheer power over others? Well, look no further.

You may have noticed the picture on my sidebar of Bob Dobbs. I'm sure you are all wondering, "Just who is Bob Dobbs?" J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the greatest salesman that has ever lived, he has cheated death several times and is the figurehead of the Church of the Sub-Genius. Bob Dobbs is the savior of 'slack'.

I hear you, "Me-Me, just what is the Church of the Sub-Genius?". Thank you for asking. The Church of the Sub-Genius is a mutant offshoot of Discordianism launched in 1981 as a spoof of fundamentalist Christianity led by the 'Reverend' Ivan Stang. Much Sub-Genius theory is concerned with the acquisition of the mystical substance or quality of 'slack'.

I know, your wheels are spinning. The essence of 'slack' it a state of laziness, the absence of work or thought. Or, as it has been described, to be a divine state of infinite mental inactivity, right up there with hibernation, or the concept of nirvana. In the church of the sub-geniustrue, 'slack' is the ultimate goal and surpasses any pleasure of the flesh or mind.



Take charge of your life, friends. I invite you to further explore The Church of the Sub-Genius. Become a member of this lucrative cult, sign up today and save $5000! You will instantly become an ordained minister. In addition to the propaganda pamphlets, you will receive a wallet-sized minister's card which allows you perform weddings - legally. No salesman will call.

Praise Bob!

20 comments:

  1. I discovered the Church of Sub-Genius years ago. My first wife was a member. Barump-bump, I'm here all week.

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  2. I believe! I believe! Praise Bob! And pass the Dr Pepper.

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  3. I think I'll order up one of Bob's special Sub-Genius boxes to keep my ashes in when I'm dead.

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  4. @ Dufus - I became enlightened in 1983. I am a firm believer of slack.

    @ CatLady - Yes, praise Bob!

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  5. I love slacking, I'm good at it too! I could use the income from performing slacker weddings! No more unemployment problems. Praise Bob! My prayers are answered.

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  6. OOOHHH! That makes much more sense.

    I always thought that was a picture of "Smiling Bob" from the penis-pills commercials!

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  7. You mean there are really others out there just like me?

    I'm crying tears of joy.

    I finally feel accepted and understood.

    Thank-you Bob!

    Bless you!

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  8. @ Buggys - You might say, I'm a slack-master. Glad I could help in providing a solution to your unemployment.

    @ C: - I believe "that" commercial may have ripped off the church. There will be penis, I mean, penance to pay.

    @ Quirky - Welcome to my world! The world of slack.

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  9. I'm a "born-again slacker" thanks to Bob! Praise Bob!

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  10. I am so glad I stopped here today, I believe I found my calling.

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  11. Wait. Do I have to have sex with Bob?

    I may want my money back.

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  12. Sign me up! In my current unemployed state, I surely must have reached Nirvana-Slack by now.

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  13. "Are you looking for money, weird sex and sheer power over others?"

    Are you fucking kidding me? Sign me up right fucking now, Sister Me-Me!

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  14. Farting preacher HE HE
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJML0tOqYTY
    On a cold night, I think of you.

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  15. can i just get on the mailing list and save $1500?

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  16. I love it! Haven't heard of them before, but I'm a convert now.

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  17. As an old time apostle of Bob, I would say if you join The Sub Genius RIGHT NOW, he might just gaurantee you be completely perverted, I mean, converted and be on your way to a state of pure bliss.

    I loved the clip, Me-Me. Funny stuff, indeed.

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  18. What a deal - thirty bucks for eternal salvation! Might have to reconsider the atheist thing, then again - a true slacker would never really have to make the effort to follow anyone so I guess I'm good.

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