Yesterday it was announced the state of Arizona is receiving a loan of 700 million dollars from Bank of America just to keep the lights on. What? BofA loaned $700 million to a state government that is already $2 billion in debt? Oh, boy.In addition to this news was the announcement of more job lay-offs. Yep, in a state where the unemployment rate is fast approaching 15%. Which makes it really tough for people like me who live here.
You see, I have been searching for a job for over a year now and thank goodness for all the options we have these days when looking for a job. Not that it's done me any good thus far. However, I am flexible, unencumbered and able to relocate.
I have filled out an application plus submitted my resume to every online service, paid money to online and offline headhunters and I also conduct independent searches on my own. I know a few people that have found jobs on Craig's List and are really happy in their new positions. As a result, I have added Craig's List to my daily search.
Just this morning I found this help wanted ad.....
Unfocused Guitar Player Looking For Sherpa/Life Manager
In need of someone to help me organize and focus my life. Sort of like a personal assistant, although I won't be having you do very much. This gig will probably involve sitting around a lot and doing very little. The compensation offered will reflect that. It may also involve listening to me complain, offering advice, doing tasks for me that I could easily do myself, but don't want to, helping me find a job that I like, and picking up beer. These "Sessions" could go on for an hour, or you could party with me if your cool, and it might end up going on for a couple days.
The biggest thing is to help find jobs for me that you think I might like and send my resume for me. You should also possess the ability to make a resume for me that disguises the fact that I have very few skills as far as work is concerned.
The ideal candidate for this gig has no actual skills in the area of life management, has low expectations, and is an attractive girl.
E-mail me for more info and the opportunity to party lavishly with a gaudy and eccentric rock and roller.
Oh boy, things are tough all over.
The biggest thing is to help find jobs for me that you think I might like and send my resume for me. You should also possess the ability to make a resume for me that disguises the fact that I have very few skills as far as work is concerned.
The ideal candidate for this gig has no actual skills in the area of life management, has low expectations, and is an attractive girl.
E-mail me for more info and the opportunity to party lavishly with a gaudy and eccentric rock and roller.
Oh boy, things are tough all over.
Ha, ha, we could all use one of those. But this guy doesn't need an assistant. He needs a "Mom" to kick his ass. Good luck with your search.
ReplyDeleteFile this under:
ReplyDelete"Things I wish I'd thought of First."
The Bank of America is loaning money to Arizona to keep the lights on? What the ...? Who's keeping the lights on at B of A? Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it one of the banks that got bailout money from the federal government? Why didn't the feds just loan money to Arizona and cut out the middleman?
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to think that we should all (including the Unfocused Guitar Player) should take a year-long nap and hope that things will be better when we wake up.
I too am from Arizona. I am going to school right now to be a teacher. I am worried when I graduate this year I will not have a job. Especially since TUSD is cutting a few million more dollars. My option, my student advisor tells me, is to continue my education, get into more debt, and pray things get better. I too am thinking of relocating.
ReplyDeleteNow that's the job for me! I need a job...blogger-slacker.
ReplyDeleteWow! I wish I can just get paid for staying at home doing nothing. Oh thats right, I do...unemployment. LOL Good post!
ReplyDelete@ Dufus - I am a mom and I can kick ass pretty well. Maybe I'll apply.
ReplyDelete@ moooooog - Yep, I can just see your bevy of personal assistants - oh, boy.
@ Joel - Yes, you are correct. BofA did receive a shit load of bailout money.
Excuse me while I take a long nap.
@ Christiejolu - Hey, there is good news on the education front! Over $300 million of this loan is going into education. Hopefully, you'll be able to get a job here after all. If not, try New Mexico.
Damn, I applied for that job too but you are more qualified than I am. If you decide you don't like hanging out and doing things for this guy let me know cause except for the getting beer part I already do all those jobs for a couple of people who have been squatting in my house for many years.
ReplyDelete@ Lee - Unfortunately, my current position as a blogger-slacker doesn't pay squat.
ReplyDelete@ Myundiary - Well, at least you receive something for nothing.
@ Jen - I've decided to pass on this one. Go ahead, it's all yours.
I already took that job and whipped that guy into shape in no time. He is now off his lazy ass helping out illegals while singing and playing guitar from rooftops.
ReplyDeleteAnybody else need to hire me?
Good thing bank of America loaned Arizona the money because Arizona doesn't fit as nicely into the song "That's the night that the lights went out in..." See Georgia works much better than Arizona
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThey can clean my toilets. It fits that job description and no resume is necessary.
ReplyDelete@ Geek Girl - Good thing I had decided to pass on this one. You go geek girl!!!
ReplyDelete@ Ann - LOL! Clever. You got that right.
@ Don - Good, because I only clean MY toilet.
Oh man, thank you for making me laugh out loud. I feel your pain on the job hunt situation, and wish you the best of luck. I haven't added craigslist to my daily search, but I know it to be a good resource. I once saw a listing from a filmmaker seeking beautiful women with problem foot odor. He was working on a documentary... but I decided I'd wait for my next big break.
ReplyDeleteA year? You've been looking for a job for a year? How do people survive without a job for a year? Seriously, my wife's been out of work for about a month and we're sinking faster than the Titanic. That said, I have discovered that nobody ever gets a job worth having through the Internet. They get them in one way and one way only: By begging and even threatening their friends to convince their employers to hire them (excuse the grammar, but you know what I mean).
ReplyDeleteP.S. -- I think that in the future, we are all going to be as broke as Arizona, and as desperate as unfocused guitar player.
P.P.S. -- I turned off my captcha.
P.P.P.S. -- I'm sorry you've been out of work for that long. That's horrible. I hope you find something soon.
ReplyDeleteMeMe! Why didn't you tell me that you had found MY son's ad?
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that was you who had applied.
BTW he thinks you are one hot mama!
*smile*