A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I sent a wire, resigning from my club - I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
“Whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?
“All of us? But that’s bigamy!”
“Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”
A woman is an occasional pleasure, a cigar is always a smoke.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gald to make an exception.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I sent a wire, resigning from my club - I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
“Whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?
“All of us? But that’s bigamy!”
“Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”
A woman is an occasional pleasure, a cigar is always a smoke.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gald to make an exception.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
thanks for the reminder. i haven't drank from the Grouco well for quite some time.
ReplyDeletei had a real jones for all things Marx Bros a while back.
the pajama joke was so played out whenever i stopped for a p., that i had to drop it for a while.
now, that i'm reminded, i'll dust it off play it out again. ;-)
i love Animal Crackers!
a fave:
in the sixties i had a button that read LENNON & MARX. {images of John & Groucho}.
i have another favorite, but this comment is overstaying its welcome.
i'll post the rest and tag you
Groucho was naturally full of off-the-cuff repartee. One concerns what Groucho said to a woman who had 22 children.
ReplyDeleteGroucho asked her, 'Why so many children? That's a big responsibility and a big burden.'
'Well, I because I love my children, and I think that's our purpose here on Earth, and I love my husband.' the woman replied.
Groucho's riposte was: 'I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.'
Later Groucho denied ever saying it.
Gary Kelly wrote in with this snippet.
The cigar remark is true. At least that's not what my step father told me growing up. And the reason I believe him is the woman on the show was his grandmother and she actually had 22 children and was in the Guinness book of world records at the time. Which is why she and her husband were asked on the show.
Groucho never met the Duggars!
ReplyDeleteThey're on kid number 18 and closing!
A fine list but there's no numbers. I need numbers or my mind starts to wander. Once my mind starts to wan
ReplyDeleteI like this one:
ReplyDelete"Anyone who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot."
"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog".
ReplyDeleteI'm imagining you dropping the above Groucho Marx quote in a thread at a popular hangout for bloggers, stepping back very carefully and seeing what happens. >:-)