Humor Bloggers Dot Com: Halloween Spooktacular

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Spooktacular Blog Party

Oct. 21st - Nov. 1st

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Caption This! No. 39 - And, The Winner Is.....

I want to thank you all for stopping by and visiting during the re-launch of The Screaming Me-Me. My decision to re-enter the blogosphere was not an easy one. Honestly, I was afraid no one would show up and I would be sitting here making up entries under false names. So, thank you, I really appreciate your support.

This week's Caption This! entries were all funny and very clever. There are a few standouts I'd like to acknowledge..... 

Sue over at Farvel  Cargo called on a Lynyrd Skynyrd classic for her caption - "Won't you gimme three steps, Gimme three steps mister, Gimme three steps towards the door? Gimme three steps, Gimme three steps mister and you'll never see me no more." 

Mike, The Wizard of Otin, went with a dating service approach - "Don't be mad at me. You look nothing like you Zoosk profile picture, either."

And one of the masters of this game, Dufus from nonamedufus - "Henrietta Hippo hadn't seen a trunk that size since she dated Elwood the Elephant."


The winner this week is no stranger to Caption This! and usually has one of the best entries wherever he plays. I'm talking about that Midget Man of Steel, author, blogger and the guy who jerks off your funny bone...ladies and gentlemen...moooooog! (Cue applause.)

"Unfortunately, Rob forgot that Hungry Hungry 

Hippos have an affinity for gobbling balls."

When you get the chance, please stop by these bloggers' homes for a visit. Thanks again for playing and I'll see you next Wednesday with another edition of Me-Me-'s Playhouse: CAPTION THIS!

Sunday Funny: The Little Old Lady

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent". The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent they stink terribly." "Good", the doctor said, now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."


Remember.......

You have until midnight to submit your captions for "Caption This!, Fourth of July Edition". The winner takes home The Golden Phallus plus 500 EntreCard credits. Hurry on over!

Yikes! Mullet Spotting!

Say it isn’t so.  Contrary to popular belief, the Mullet is not dead, no siree.  I’ve recently come to realize there is a popular uprising in men’s desire to bring back this once popular hair-don’t from the 80’s.  I’ve had many a Mullet spotting over the past several months and it’s scary, real scary.

 

With its two-haircut-in-one appearance and popularity with the good times set, the mullet is occasionally referred to as having "business in the front and a party in the back." Frightening, the Mullet is more than a way of life, it’s a state of mind. Accessories for the mullet often include moustaches, wife-beater shirts, beer and sunglasses.

Listed here are several popular spotting places you will find this hideous bi-level cut.

1. WalMart
2. Alabama
3. NASCAR Races
4. CMT's My Big Fat Redneck Wedding
5. Lynyrd Skynyrd Concerts ("Freebird! Freebird!")

I say, wearing a Mullet makes any man look like a complete idiot. Get yourself to a barber and cut that stupid looking thing. By cutting your Mullet, you will instantly look less poor and way more intelligent.  No more looking like a freak of nature.

Quotable: St. Patrick's Day

Click on the poster for a closer look

1. May the Good Lord take a liking to you... but not too soon!

2. Saint Patrick was a gentleman
   Who through strategy and stealth
   Drove all the snakes from Ireland
   Here's a drinkee to his health!
   But not too many drinkees
   Lest we lose ourselves and then...
   Forget the good Saint Patrick
   And see them snakes again!

3. Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

4. There are many good reasons for drinking,
   One has just entered my head.
   If a man doesn't drink when he's living,
   How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

5. An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

6. Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
   A quick death and an easy one
   A pretty girl and an honest one
   A cold beer – and another one!

7. There are only two kinds of people in the world, The Irish and those who wish they were.

Find more St. Patrick’s Day fun at HumorBloggers.com

 

Learn Chinese In Just 5 Minutes

Obnoxious Elevator Fun!

1. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.  Laugh madly, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for the other people as the board, but push the wrong ones.

4. Pretend to make a call, “Hello, Psychic Hotline?  Can you tell me what floor I’m on?”

5. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for a friend.  After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Jim, what took you so long?”

6. Move your desk into the elevator and when someone gets on ask if they have an appointment.

7. Lay down a Twister mat and ask if anyone would like to play.

8. Look panicked and ask, “Anyone feel that?”

9. Stand really close to someone.  Sniff them and then make a horrible face.

10. Call out, “Group hug!”  Enforce it. 

11. Grimace painfully and smack your forehead and mutter, “Shut up – all of you, just shut up!”

12. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers in a cartoon voice.

13. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

14. Stare and grin at a passenger for awhile.  Then announce, “I’ve got on new socks”.

15. Thank everyone for flying today as they exit.

Joke: Catholic School Daze

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was sleeping, "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. 

The teacher said, "Very good" and continued teaching the class. A little later the nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the teacher once again said "very good and Mary Margaret fell back to sleep. 

The teacher asked her a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her tenth child?" Again, Johnny to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "if you stick me with that damn thing one more time - I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted.

Wacky Wednesday! - Wacky Prank Call

Wacky Wednesday! - Japan's Human Art

Quotable: George Carlin

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE
2. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
3. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .what happens to the other penny?
7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
9. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
10. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
11. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
13. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.
14. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
15. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Zombie Oscars, The Envelope Please...

Dysfunctional Family Letter Generator

If you are from a dysfunctional family, you have either received or wanted to write a letter like the sample below.

Don't waste any more of your valuable time digging deep into the depths of your soul to tell your family off. Instead, let the generator do all the hard work for you. You just sit back, take a load off.

Click here to be taken to the generator that gives you many appropriate choices to "fill in the blanks".

Dear Evil Twin,

I just wanted to let you know that you have completely ruined my life. If you had a clue you would be dangerous. I have had it up to here because you have lied to me one too many times. I have always looked the other way, which makes me uncompassionate and unsympathetic. 

This time you have taken your psycho bitchiness to the next level. 

I have never shirked my responsibility to tell you that you are full of shit. You would be so much better off if you would just lay off of the drugs. You must be the product of inbreeding. You are EVIL! It is time for you to get off your pity pot. Let this also serve as notice that all future visits have been cancelled as I have to stay home and feed the cat. 

Drop dead you waste of space, 

The Good Twin

PS: Please do not reply back, I want NO explanations. I need time to forget that you ever existed.

Wacky Wednesday! - Scientology

Kid Overdosed At Dentist's Office

Quotable: Groucho Marx

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

I sent a wire, resigning from my club - I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I drink to make other people interesting.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

“Whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?
“All of us? But that’s bigamy!”
“Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”

A woman is an occasional pleasure, a cigar is always a smoke.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gald to make an exception.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Wacky Wednesday! Kill Bill Bunnies

Out With The Old.....

Click poster for larger view

Look Out! Behind You!

Click photos for larger view

Trailer Trash

You Know You're Trailer Trash If...

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table infront of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this!"

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Time for interactive fun! You know you're trailer trash if....

Post your addition to the list in "comments" below.