Monday, February 23, 2009

Quotable: George Carlin


  1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE
  2. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
  3. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .what happens to the other penny?
  7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  8. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  9. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
  10. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  11. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  12. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  13. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.
  14. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  15. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

7 comments:

  1. Great list. I like #15!

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  2. I loved watching him perform, he really got his audience involved into his mindset. A true artist.

    Regards, Joseph

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  3. I miss GC terribly! His observations were funny, true and articulated to perfection.

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  4. "When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts' and you put your two cents in ... what happens to the other penny?"

    That clearly depends on the current currency conversion rates.

    Thanks for these, I had a good giggle!

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  5. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam." - love it!

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