Tuesday, April 21, 2009

12 Rules Of Life

Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: 

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. 

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right." 

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee. 

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them. 

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?" 

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance! 

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you. 

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here ...even our kids. 

12. And finally...Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Do you have a "rule of life" you'd like to add to the list?  Please, share.


  1. Totally needed this list of life musts in particular the don't cut your hair after three margaritas. My assumption the same goes for three shots of stoli, its a rule of three.

    In all seriousness though I heart the last must...you just never know when you're gonna need someone else which is why you should treat everyone even jackasses with a little touch of respect.

  2. Perfect! I can add to number one: Don't cut your children's hair, either. But I disagree with number 2: I have a personal vendetta against tape... But the others are all ready to be hewn onto stone tablets.

  3. I can't even hold the scissors still until after the third margarita.

  4. What the... I have all my life to pee. Surely nothing ca go wrong by skipping a few pee breaks here or there... *bladder explodes*

  5. For me, it's Jack --- and I have, on at least one occasion broken that rule. But it grew back, so...

  6. I once used duct tape to keep ants out of my apartment. I've also used it to fix leaks. It's very handy for someone who...isn't.

  7. Number 5 is actually my Number 1. I used to say I was going to write a book one day reviewing bathrooms across America because sooner or later I will have visited every one of them. I still might write that book yet.

  8. I don't agree with #2. You can't have enough tools, especially power tools.

    Replace that with shoes, you only need two pairs of shoes, that would be more accurate ;)

  9. I love #2 and live by #5! LOL!!!!

  10. We totally live by RUle No. 2. It's so true.

  11. Good list. Number 4 for sure. My variation on that is we are all the same. Whatever you are feeling, the other guy probably is too.

  12. from Dad: always go for the ugly girl; enthusiasm beats looks.

  13. #1 also applies to accepting that marriage proposal. If you need three of anything to say yes, or to have them ask, it might not be a good mix.

  14. I learn all of my life lessons from pop songs. I was listening to They Might Be Giants on the drive home from work. Today's lesson (and what to think when the alarm goes off in the morning):

    By rocket to the moon
    By airplane to the rocket
    By taxi to the airport
    By front door to the taxi
    By throwing back the blanket
    Hanging down the legs

    It's more fun to hear than read. You can get the preview at Amazon http://tinyurl.com/dezfsb

  15. @ Chaotically Calm - Yeah, I know. 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila - Floor.

    @ Husbands Anonymous - I wouldn't even try to cut my stone cold sober. They would have looked like freaky art pieces.

    @ Douglas Dyer - Alcohol and scissors - yeah, not exactly what I'd call a safe situation.

    @ CB Jones - Well, thank goodness for Detrol L.A.

    @ Breath of Insanity - Man-o-man, Jack and I used to be really good friends. Thanks goodness it never crossed my mind to cut my hair during those times we were together.

    @ Shawn - Just curious, how in the world did you use duct tape to keep ants out?

    @ Staci - Seeing how I'm a post menopausal, pre osteoporosis woman, I've have visited many, many bathrooms across America and some third world nations. It had never dawned on me to document my visits to these porcelain shrines. Good luck with your venture!

    @ Mike - So, you're a Tool Time kind of guy and not much on footwear.

    @ Liz - You're my kind of gal. You, too, must be familiar with all the bathroom stops along your route. :)

    @ Mary @ Holy Mackerel - What did we do before duct tape? I think there were a lot of cabinet door hanging and holes in screens.

    @ I Hate Commmercials - Amen, brother, amen!

    @ Windroot - Nice sentiment.

    @ bARE-eYED-sUN - Thanks for this addition, you rock!

    @ Jen - Bwahahahaha, no kidding.

    @ My Daily List - Hey, thanks so much for passing along this peril of wisdom...and, for the link.

  16. I love #1 and #2 um... not the bathroom habit.. your list.. anyway..

    I've got one to add Life is too short to be taking so seriously live it up!

  17. I love #5 and #6. Speaking of that...got to go pee right now...lol

  18. #3- That's an interesting concept. That will probably work too even if I don't mean it.

  19. Oh no-- you mean three margaritas is my limit before my hair trimming techniques go downhill?

    Well, then THAT explains it. I've been trying to tell everyone I'd gone punk.

  20. But finally peeing seconds before your bladder explodes can be extremely rewarding, one of life's precious gifts.

  21. Just when I thought I knew every single rule of life I find your blog. Now I have to re-evaluate my entire life. Thanks for nothing!!



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