Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Women 101

Guys are you having a hard time trying to figure out your woman, a woman or any woman at all? I've put together a small list of tips that might help you to better understand the woman in your life or the woman you want in your life. Please study these tips carefully then, as usual, approach with caution.

1. Any good woman will tell you, honesty is not always the best policy. Example: Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

2. Every woman is self-conscience about her ass.  Tell her you love her ass and you'll see it more often.

3. Do away with the Old Spice and pick up a box of Good & Plenty, women are turned on by the scent of black licorice. 

4. Gain her trust when you're out by calling her at 10 pm. She'll go to bed content because you are thinking of her even if you are slurping Jell-O shots from a stripper's cleavage.

5. At one point or another, your love interest will go through your things looking for evidence from past relationships. I'm talking photos, letters, mementos, address books, journals. Get rid of this stuff before you let her into your home; if you have something to hide, she'll find it. 

6. It never hurts to say you are sorry, even if you don't mean it.

7. Foghat's Slow Ride is not about a trip in a car. Get the hint?

8. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

9. Women can not live without tension. Every once in a while she is going to pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

10. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every 1 she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid - you're 1 of the 10.

11. Women who are obsessed with their dogs will also keep you on a short leash.

12. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turn-off in the world.

13. Jewelry is always the perfect last minute gift.

14. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem. All women just love a make-over project.

15. Women want to talk dirty, but they're afraid you won't respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed does not make her less classy and she'll probably go wild. Gin or Vodka helps.

This concludes today's lesson. Any tips you'd like to share?  



  1. All good points! I can personally vouch for 2, 4, 6, and 7.... especially 7 ;)

  2. Thanks for the advice. I'll start putting it to use. Although, I'm a little depressed right now. You've shattered any chance of me thinking that I might be unique. Now I know I'm always just 1 of 10.

    Oh, another thing: I mailed you a large envelope yesterday. Please destroy it without looking inside. How was I to know? I really thought some glossy, 8x10 pictures of me in my socks and underwear would turn you on. I know better now.

  3. Black licorice? I love black licorice! Still don't see the connection with that and lusting licorice loving ladies...

  4. That about sums it up. Except for me...not #3,#13, or #14. I hate the smell and taste of black licorice. Don't like jewelry..and can't stand work or any projects for that matter..it gets in the way of my lounging/drinking/hussy time.

  5. Heh heh.

    Great advice. But sorry I'm with Hussy on the black licorice smell. Ewww!

    But I do like red licorice? Does that count? *smile*

  6. I'm sorry but any woman who doesn't appreciate the smell of Old Spice (or Brut at a pinch) isn't worth the effort.

  7. Thanks for the advice. I've always had a feeling about that "pick a fight for no reason" thing.

  8. Ha Ha. Great tips. Thanks for sharing them :)

  9. Have you ever smelled Old Spice on a sweated-up guy? Biggest headrush/turn on in the world!

    And, I'm sorry, but you can tell me you love my ass a million times over, but there's no way in the world I am going to INTENTIONALLY show it to you!

  10. I'm with Insanity on the ass showing bit...not that anyone has said they loved mine...

  11. as for # 4 ..Just swallow the jell-o and take the strippers cleavage out of your mouth before you start the conversation..

  12. OK, I love your ass.

    I'm waiting...

  13. This is the worst article about women I've ever seen. If you want a real relationship dont listen to this crap.

    This is why girls break up with guys...but also; sadly, what gets us laid.

    I don't think this stuff is right, for the health of the relationship but I will vouch for it getting you steady sex.

    1. Satire, this is a humor blog. Take the stick out of your ass and lighten up!

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