Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Road Trip Travails

Several years ago I was traveling back to Arizona from Colorado when I noticed my gas gauge was fast approaching “the red zone” and so was my bladder. Unfortunately, I was in a part of the country where gas stations are few and far between. And, pulling to the side of the road was not an option as you’re winding through mountain passes.

It had come to the point where I was doing everything I could to distract myself from my immediate situation. Just how many verses does “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain” have? As I hit the flatland, I spied a gas station just up the road and bonus, the sign read, “Clean Restrooms”.

Thank goodness there was little traffic as I crossed to the other side of the highway to stake my claim at the pump. I quickly swiped my credit card, placed the nozzle in the tank and made my way to the restroom. Damn! The door was locked. Skipping my way back to the island-cashier, I asked for the key. She opened the door to her bulletproofed domain and handed me a bright pink hula hoop with the key attached. What the.....? This was definitely a first.

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, again I’m skipping to make my way to relieve myself of an uncomfortable situation. I placed the key in the door, opened it and flipped on the light. Horror or all horrors – no toilet paper! Okay, back to the booth to ask for toilet paper. For some reason or another, the lady in the booth seemed to be put out with me as I made my request. Through the money slot, she slipped me four; four mind you, sections of toilet paper. Where's the justice? No time to argue, I’m back to the rest room with hula hoop and toilet paper in hand.

I entered the restroom and, as I was assessing the toilet seat, I discovered a small packet of Kleenex in my backpack. Yeah, I can cover the seat and will have plenty to spare. Ahhhhh. I washed my hands, grabbed the hula hoop and strolled back to my truck. I threw out some soda cans, the remainder of the three-day old bag of Cheetos and a banana peel. I then returned the nozzle to the pump.

I approached the booth to ask for my receipt and to return the restroom key. She opened the door for me to slip the hula hoop through and, back at her window, she slipped me the receipt through the cash slot. I’m telling you, she was not the friendliest person I’ve ever encountered. I walked a few steps towards my truck, reached into my pocket and tore off two of the sections the toilet paper I’d been given. I then pivoted to return to the booth.

I had to wait for her to finish her phone conversation. As she hung up the phone, she looked over her glasses at me and questioned, “Yeeessss?” I slipped the two sections back through the money slot and proudly stated, “Thanks, but I didn’t need all of this.” Back on the road again, I had to smile.

Yes, there are many injustices in this world, click over to
Humor Bloggers Dot Com to read more.


  1. Returned 2 squares, hah! That made a statement, though I think it might've been lost on Miss Customer Service.

  2. Way to go Me-Me, you sure tore a strip off of her!

  3. When she handed me four squares I would have just said:

    "Um, lady. I have to shit."

    You need at LEAST 5 minimum for that.

  4. Even bettter would have been to find some appropriately colored mud and give her the toilet paper "soiled."

  5. I can't for the life of me understand why it *wouldn't* be in their best interest to make sure restroom 'patrons' didn't have plenty of supplies to clean up with.

    Maybe she has a dirty bathroom fetish.

    - Julia

    (btw, I gave you an award on my blog today, Me-Me. I hope some of my readers come on by for a laugh! Thanks for the great writing!)

  6. I like Joel's idea!

    I once taught at a school where the administration forced us to keep the t.p. on our desks because the kids kept stopping up the toilets with it. "Yes, you may have the bathroom pass... would you like one sheet or two?" Sadly, the kids were too embarrassed to take a reasonable number of sheets for fear of ridicule. Please! Take the whole roll!

  7. @ Lee - Every time I make that trip, I stop at that gas station just for kicks and grins.

    @ Venom - Yep, she's probably still thinking about it.

    @ dufus - I dunno, she just sat there chewing her gum with her mouth wide open.

    @ moooooog - What if? Next time I'll just stand there until she hands me entire roll.

    @ Mud? Unfortunately there's no mud in the high desert. But a great idea nonetheless.

    @ Julia - But the sign read "Clean Restrooms". Yeah, clean out of toilet paper.

    Thanks, I'll pop on over!

    @ Cat Lady - Oh, the shame!!!

  8. Just a FYI - experiences like this is why I have TP in the Car and in the Golf Bag at all times. Now granted I can piss anywhere - I feel your pain.

  9. Sorry you had to go to Colorado. Sorry you had to go period. I've been there and done that. Most famously, I once had to ask a bus driver to stop so that I could relieve myself. The bus, mostly filled with women, was roaring with laughter when I got back. Most embarrassing day of my life. If only I'd been able to throw a few squares of toilet paper at them.......

  10. @ MikeWJ - You're kidding, right? I love Colorado, I wish I lived there.

    I bet it was embarrassing, they didn't have a potty on board?

  11. Hey I'd be cracking up if this didn't happen to me too! It's always in those remote kind of places too, darn it. So you have no "choices". No road trip without my personal stash of TP - ever! I think I would have returned the toilet paper I DID use to Miss Smiley face!

  12. @ Waltsense - What? TP in the car? That's too practical. I did have Kleenex in my purse though.

    @ suZen - Yes, I've learned my lesson. I now carry a roll in the glove box. One day I was fumbling for something and the damn thing rolled out of the glove box and half way across the parking lot. Sheeesh!

  13. Good for you!!

    Why can't I ever think to do these things???

  14. Was there dried soil in the desert? Was there water in the washroom? If so, you can make mud! You've got to be creative if you're want to be truly devious.

  15. @ kys - I ws definite "on" that day, I usually don't think of those things either.

    @ Joel - Okay, okay.

  16. Girlllll I Love Yo Style !
    roll on badgal, roll yo ass on.

  17. That's very awesome. She must be related to the woman who owned the Baskin & Robbins near us who allowed ONE napkin per person. Period.

    They're no longer in business. Wonder why?

  18. Good for you! I would never have thought of that. I would have just bitched about her for the next week! Well, I would probably do that anyway.

  19. @ BadGal - Damn straight!

    @ Mom24 - I don't understand why "they" are so stingy with paper products. Is there a shortage we're not aware of?

    @ Buggys - There's no time for bitching while you're doing the pee-pee dance. LOL!

  20. Hey Margo, Love your blog! I could read this all day! I have a little gift for you at

    Do enjoy and I look forward to many return visits!

  21. I always get concerned when an establishment has to specify "clean restrooms" as though it's an exception rather than the rule.

    They're never right, either.

  22. "The door is locked. You're sitting and relaxing, all alone ... when the realization hits you: You are OUT. Of TOILET PAPER." Best Improvised Alternatives to Toilet Paper

  23. That's funny! If you ever visit the Philippines where I live now, bring your own. Don't even have toliet paper holders in the stalls let alone toliet paper.People steal the whole rolls. My filipina wife didn't tell me before I got in. Funny post!

  24. Me-Me,
    this was an outrageously funny tale!

    :-) kudos!

    had us in tears,
    and thanks, with the way our week
    has been going,
    this was exactly what we needed.


  25. Four? She gives you four? Rage and howl against the injustice in this world!

    Fine funny rant post, MeMe. ;)

    The Old Silly

  26. Sheesh! I wonder if the issue was that the toilet stops up easily or people steal the toilet paper? Who knows? That is just weird! I'm sure you made her day. ;-)

    My mom had that happen to her when she was on a tour in Hungary. They stopped for a restroom break and all the Americans were given @5-6 squares of toilet paper while the "natives" were given 1 or 2.


Thanks for stopping by The Screaming Me-Me!!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...