Me-Me's Playhouse: Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween! I hope you all have enjoyed this special week of haunting the Halloween Humor Carnival over at Humor Bloggers Dot com.

There were over 30 knocks at my door this week from those looking for me to drop The Golden Phallus into their goody bag. Thank you all for stopping by and thanks for not soaping up my windows.

The Three Stooges (aka The Impartial Panel of Three) have handed out special treats to the following tricksters.....

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Getting ready for the WWF, Fred gave Thelma some last minute tips. "Stay off the ropes!"

renalfailure said...

Nobody remembers "Dirty Dancing" in its original Greek tragedy form... and for good reason.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Lanny Lederhosen felt a sudden and inexplicable attraction to the Norse Cougar.

Unfinished Rambler said...

"Spartacus?"

"Maid Marian?"

The winner of the coveted trophy goes to that midget man of steel, moooooog! Stand up and take a bow, moooooog.....oops, you are standing. If you've never visited the master of mental poo and the undisputed worldwide authority on issues that affect short, middle-aged, undersexed men.....do so today!

Now, for the winning caption.....

Thankfully, mom and dad never really
left the house on laundry day.

Have a safe Halloween everyone.....see you next week!

Bloody Revenge!

Here's another special post in the Halloween Humor Carnival series. Be sure to visit Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more Halloween hilarity.


Remember my friend's 13-year old son, Jeremy, that "punked" me a couple of week ago? The one that wrote the message on my mirror? No? Oh, well read it here and then come back, it won't take long.

Oh, good, you're back. Now, keep in mind I have not said one word to Jeremy since this incident and what you are about to read was pre-planned with his parents.

Last night a friend of ours was to appear on the History Channel's UFO Hunters. So, I invited my friends over for a pot of chili and to watch the show. Little did Jeremy know, he was about to be punked! Revenge, sweet revenge.

Not long after they arrived, Laura (her real name) asked Jeremy to run back to the car to bring in a box she had left in the trunk. She also told him to be very careful, the box's content was fragile. As he went out the front door, I slipped out the back. I crept around to the side of the house and waited. I watched as Jeremy fumbled with the keys, opened the trunk and removed the box. Once he had closed the trunk, I was ready for action.

Now, my house sits on the back of the property so there is a lot of lawn between the street and my front door. Just as Jeremy reached the mid-way point, I reached to push the manual override button on the sprinkler system. The sprinklers came on full force.

You should have seen the dance he was doing! He paused looking both ways trying to determine which was the shortest way to dry land. He jostled back-and-forth until he decided to make a run for the door with the box held high above his head. It was hilarious! I ran back in through the back and had a seat.

Jeremy walked into the kitchen where he just stood there looking like a drowned rat. "What happened?", we all asked. "Me-Me, you really ought to re-program those sprinklers". His parents and I were having a really hard time not to bust up. He handed his mom the box and I suggested that he go into the bathroom to dry off.

We hurried back to the living room and waited for his reaction. After he turned on the light and closed the door, there was silence, dead silence. Then, from the other side of the door, we heard, "Shhhhhhhh-it, this is not cool". You see, earlier in the day, I had taken a couple of tubes of vampire's blood and wrote on the mirror in blood-dripping letters - I am watching YOU!!!

When Jeremy finally came out of the bathroom and rejoined us, he just stared. I could tell he was trying to think of the perfect comeback. "Mom, what was in that box?" "Dry clothes", she said. "What? You were in on this?!?" "Okay, Me-Me, I'm sorry." Damn straight you are, you little psycho!


In case you missed my announcement earlier in the week, Caption This! is now held on Wednesday. There's still time to play, just click here. The winning caption will be announced Saturday.

Save Money. Live And Die Better.

How timely, it's Halloween week and WalMart has announced they are now selling caskets and urns. Their online store offers a variety of coffins and vessels to meet your or your loved one's needs. (Not available in stores, you won't be able to try it before you buy it.) With the exception of the one pictured here, they sell 14 coffins priced under $2,000. What savings!

WalMart has a casket style for everyone - the Lady de Guadalupe model, Mom Remembered, Dad Remembered and the Executive Privilege model just to name a few.

As I searched their website, I noticed there is a "Q&A" section. Here's an sample of actual questions asked by their shoppers.

Q: Does this casket or others come in a larger size, i.e. length, width to accommodate a person?

A: All our caskets are standard size and accommodate most people. However, if you mean a 'larger' person we have three (3) casket models that are built extra wide with four (4) extra inches of interior width. Please look at our Royal Star (2 versions) or the Regal Extra Wide.

Great! This will save the embarrassment of having to be squeezed into a coffin due to the middle-age spread.

Q: I received a casket today and it does not seal. Is the casket supposed to seal?

A: The casket you ordered is gasketed and has a rubber seal. The gasket seals the casket where the lid comes down and closes. However, no casket, including the one you ordered, is air tight or completely sealed.

Well, now this explains how the un-dead are able to escape.

I guess my only question would be, "Is this product offered on the lay-a-way plan?"

I also noticed there is a "Rate and Review" section. I suppose there is a questionnaire included with the purchase and it's eventually received by WalMart from the world beyond. I imagine a completed survey may look something like this.

1. Is this your first purchase of one of our caskets?
Yes, and my last.

2. How would you rate the casket's overall performance?
Well, I am concerned about the air leaks; it's drafty, even at 6 feet under.

3. Are you satisfied with your casket?
Sure, it's a comfortable fit and the lining is divine.

4. Would you recommend our caskets to a friend?
Absolutely, I'm sure my friends are dying to try one!

Thank you WalMart! It's good to know, even in the afterlife, we are still saving!


Now, pop on over to Humor Bloggers Dot Com for more of the Halloween Humor Carnival.

Caption This! Halloween Edition

We've been having a great time this week over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com during The 2nd Annual Halloween Humor Carnival. I invite you all to click on over and join the fun. You are guaranteed to die laughing!

And, speaking of Humor Bloggers, there are several of us that join together each Wednesday asking our readers to Caption This! EttaRose, nonamedufus, The Soccer Mom and yours truly all post a photo that awaits your captions. It's fun! It's easy!

Wouldn't you like to take home The Golden Phallus? Then check back here Saturday when the decision of The Impartial Panel of Three is announced.

This Is Halloween

Today marks another day of The 2nd Annual Halloween Humor Carnival over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com. I was over there earlier and found a hilarious tribute to Halloween by nonamedufus. If you do nothing else today, it's well worth your time to pop over and read his hysterical poem, A Crappy Halloween.

Question: What do you get when you cross Tim Burton and Marilyn Manson?

Answer: I know, it boggles the mind with possibilities. But, what you get is an awesome cover of the classic Danny Elfman song, This is Halloween, from Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. Manson covered the original in the remake for the 13th anniversary of this animated film. Both the music and the animation from this classic film will definitely put you in the mood for Halloween. It's a personal favorite of mine. And, believe it or not, it's a great one to share with the kids!

Photo Phantasms

In case you've been living under a rock, this is a very special week over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com. It's The 2nd Annual Halloween Humor Carnival where those mysterious and kooky humor bloggers are getting their spooky on. Join us.....if you dare!

No doubt, some of you people belong in a straight jacket. I could not believe all of your awesome submissions to Friday's Caption This! You really made it tough for The Impartial Panel of Three with almost 50 hilarious captions. Thank you all for playing!

The Panel has handed down their decisions with the following receiving most-honorable mentions.

Buggys said...

The day the rabbit had to die!

Joker_SATX said...

Finally, A Pic worthy of upload to Adult Friend Finder!

CatLadyLarew said...

Just shoot me now!

nonamedufus said...

Alas, Barry drew the short straw and it would be his buddy George who'd get to go to the costume party as Elmer Fudd.

There can only be one winner...The Golden Phallus goes to...MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings. Stand up and take a bow Mike! Mike's tag line is "some things are funnier than others" and that's why he is the recipient of The Golden Phallus. Be sure to add Too Many Mornings to your list of must reads.

Now, the winning caption.....

Bob found himself wondering what
traumatic event in his girlfriend's past
led her to this particular fantasy.

Okay,speaking of Humor Bloggers, I'm tired of being the odd-woman-out. Every Wednesday nonamedufus, EttaRose and the Soccer Mom all have their version of Caption This! No more Wacky Wednesday! for me - it's dead and buried.

I'll be joining the caption circuit each Wednesday with Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! So, mark your calendars for this week's special Halloween edition. See you then!

Chillin' & Thrillin'

Today begins a week of chills and thrills over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Those zany writers have joined together to bring you The 2nd Annual Halloween Humor Carnival.

Click on over!


You'll find hilarious new Halloween posts every day from this awesome group of humor bloggers. Take a look at the video below for a compilation of those participating. I'm sure some of these blogs you are already familiar with and others may be new to you. So, be sure to join in on all the fun at Humor Bloggers Dot Com from now through Halloween.



Music: Toccata and Fugue performed by Rick Wakeman

Quotable: Soupy Sales

1. I took my wife to a baseball game - I kissed her on the strikes and she kissed me on the balls.

2. What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? A fire truck!

3. Be an optimist - at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral.

4. I climbed a tree and kissed my girl between the limbs.

5. Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

6. My wife is a great cook - she makes great pies. I eat her cherry and she eats my banana.

7. If I see 'F' you see 'K'.

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 15

Welcome and thanks for stopping by to play another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!

Take a look at the photo below and give it your best captions, enter as often as you'd like.

Be sure to check back on Monday when the decision of The Impartial Panel of Three hands down their decision. The prize? The Golden Phallus.

Strickly Commercial

That's right, folks....Don't touch that dial!

This past week's winner of Caption This! has a blog that I'm sure you will all enjoy getting to know. Since August, Adnoxious has brought to the blogosphere the best of the worst in television commercials.

"We're here to provide a throbbing eff-you to ad execs who really should have known better. When an advertisement underestimates our intelligence, establishes a flawed premise, or oversells its shitty product, we'll be there."

In other words, Adnoxious rips 'em a new one. Take a look at one of their posts here, I'm sure you'll be hooked.....

A1 + Meatloaf = Crippling Depression

The word "miscalculation" doesn't do this commercial justice. Hell, the word "marketing Holocaust" doesn't do this commercial justice.

Sometimes a fiasco is made so much worse when you can clearly see what they were trying to do (the budget-friendly Pinto) compared with the end result (a rear-ended Pinto filled with burning children).

What this commercial aims for is, of course, a chuckle based on the fact that the name of the food and the name of the guy are, like, totally the same. And they both are better off for A1's existence.

What they ended up with was an existential journey into the life of an aging pop star as he struggles against the crushing emptiness his fame and wealth have cursed him with. Mr. Loaf is clearly not in a good way in this ad. The day is well advanced, but he has yet to change out of his bathrobe. He, quite literally, is doing absolutely nothing but staring into the middle distance while he waits for his lunch to cook. And one look at this face...



...and you know that eating this chunk of ground meat is the absolute highlight of this guy's day. No wonder he's still in his jammies. Frankly, it's amazing he got out of bed at all.

Couple that with the facts that no one else is evident on the entire grounds of the estate and that he somehow has immediate access to an 8-foot bottle of steak sauce, and we've moved way, WAY past warning signs. Meatloaf is one broken shoelace away from a full-on mini-mall shooting spree.

And do you like how he tried to make his sad little lunch a little cheerier by eating it poolside? It's like when single chicks light a candle while they eat their Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers to make it seem romantic even though no one else is around except for a goldfish and a dog-earred Danielle Steele.

I respect Meatloaf, I dig some of his songs, and no one can question that he has made an indelible mark on the music scene. But after this ad, thinking about him, his obviously well-advanced Alzheimer's, or the sliver of hope and joy that A1 gives him makes me feel like my soul got butt-raped.

Hopefully, though, the guy who came up with this campaign will keep right on rolling: "Guar gum sales could use a boost, and I know who could probably use the money..."

Wacky Wednesday! Zombie Fest

We all know that a zombie is a creature that appears in folklore and popular culture typically as a reanimated corpse or a mindless human being. A mindless human being? Uh, oh. Grab a box of popcorn because today we are going to take a look at a few zombie movie trailers from films that span three decades.

In 1959 writer/director Ed Wood released the movie Plan 9 From Outer Space. The plot involves extraterrestrial beings who are seeking to stop humans from creating a doomsday weapon that would destroy the universe. In the course of doing so, the aliens implement "Plan 9", a scheme to resurrect Earth's dead as zombies to get the planet's attention, causing chaos. This film was dubbed the worst movie ever made and Wood received the Golden Turkey Award as the worst director.



Another bad zombie movie was released in 1968, The Astro-Zombies, starring John Carradine as the mad scientist, Dr. DeMarco. The plot of this film centers around a crazy, disgruntled scientist who decides to create superhuman monsters from the body parts of innocent murder victims. The creatures eventually escape and go on a killing spree. This low budget movie eventually gained cult status and reportedly made a whopping three million dollars.



Finally, in 1978 the release of the award winning film Dawn of the Dead, written and directed by George Romero, hit the theaters. The plot - following an ever-growing epidemic of zombies that have risen from the dead, two Philadelphia SWAT team members, a traffic reporter, and his television-executive girlfriend seek refuge in a secluded shopping mall. Dawn of the Dead has been heavily praised in film reviews since its release, currently holding a 95% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The 25th anniversary issue of Fangoria named it the best horror film of 1979 and Entertainment Weekly ranked it #27 on a list of "The Top 50 Cult Films".



I hope you enjoyed today's look at zombies in film. Grab the kids and lock your doors! With Halloween fast approaching, no doubt, zombies may be coming to a neighborhood near you.

Give Your Trick A Treat

What will they come up with next? Just when I think I've seen it all....blam, I'm hit with a new trend that's sure to become the greatest thing since sliced bread. Or, at least, that's what the developers are hoping for.

After another long day of doing nothing, I decided to go over to eBay to take a look at some of the latest and greatest ideas. I entered "Halloween" and up popped the usual listings for costumes and decorations. Then I saw the photo for an ad that looked like jack-o-lantern suckers. I clicked and here's what I found.

Halloween Condom Novelty Funny Party Idea $16.95

This condom would make the perfect Halloween party gift for adults. It is playfully decorated to look like a jack-o-lantern. The condom is manufactured by Global Protection and can be used for safe sex just like any other condom. Makes a great holiday party favor!

Note: Pack size is number of condoms shipped. (i.e. 12 pack is 12 condoms). We have hundreds of thousands of condoms in stock so we can't guarantee the expiration received. We can say we order all items manufacturer direct and try our best to ensure items expire no sooner than 2 years from the date of purchase.

Well, at least they specified this was for adults. Can you imagine little Willy coming home with a bag full of condoms? "Look, Mommy, these suckers are really balloons!"

It's the perfect treat to accompany your favorite pick up line. "Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?" What an icebreaker! Once you hand over this treat, you're sure to be knocking the frost off the pumpkin.

The Week That Was

Here it is, Monday...again. Last week The Screaming Me-Me hit a couple of milestones. I celebrated my 200th post with Kool-Aid, It Ain't Ghetto plus the 200th follower signed on to my list of stalkers, Mrs.BlogALot...salute!

Last week we also visited Japan and took a look at their tradition in celebrating Halloween with the Oh-Bone Festival along with at look into Hell's Kitchen to sample some out of the ordinary recipes. In addition, I won Ettarose's Craption Contest and was presented The Golden Feces Award. That was the week that was!

I have received the decision from The Impartial Panel of Three for Caption This! No. 14. You people are hilarious, I'm glad it wasn't me that had to make the final decision among the captions submitted for last week's installment of Me-Me's Playhouse. Thank you all for playing.

Before I announce the winning caption, there were several of you with creative efforts that the judges felt deserving of a most-honorable mention. They are.....

loveandbooze said...

I feel pretty. Oh so pretty.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Broadway dancer Todd Buublay is ecstatic about being picked to play the lead role in John Waters' new holiday movie, "Screwge."

moooooog35 said...

"Ok..for this next pose I want you to look skyward and pretend that your dignity is up there."

renalfailure said...

"Today? Why, it's Christmas Day, Mr. Scrooge, you silly goose!"

ReformingGeek said...

Buddy made the best of the wardrobe malfunction for his solo of "Somewhere over the Rainbow".

The winning author takes home the lovely and shiny Golden Phallus for their trophy case plus 500 EntreCard credits. The winning author is...Adnoxious! Congratulations, stand up and take a bow! Be sure to stop by Adnoxis' blog, there you'll find a throbbing eff-you to the ad execs who really should have known better.

Now, for the winning caption.....

"Don we now our gay apparel."

Thanks again everyone for playing, I hope you will all stop by again this Friday for another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!

Forever Young

Last evening I braved the crowd and the heat to attend a concert at the Arizona State Fair. I have been waiting for this particular show since its announcement two months ago. How could such a legend in American music play a show for just the price of admission to the fair - $10? If I chose to have a reserved seat, it was only $20. I opted for the twenty bucks.

I arrived about 30 minutes before showtime, took my seat and waited with great anticipation. It's not everyday you get to sit and listen to the words and music of such a master. As I sat excitedly waiting, I took a look at the crowd assembling. Wow, I don't see anyone under the age of 30 - bitchin'!

The house lights went down, the crowd quietened. The stage lights came up and the music began. It was a song familiar to all. The crowd was in full voice and tears came to my eyes. Yes, there he was in all his glory - the man, the music, the song - Bob Dylan opened the show with The Times They Are A-Changin'.

It was 1973 when I first saw Dylan in concert. At that time he was accompanied by The Band. As concertgoers entered that small hall in Memphis, everyone was handed a stick of incense and were told there would be an announcement when to light it. That night, like last night, was magical.

After an hour or so of Dylan and The Band playing, the hall went dark. You could see the beams from flashlights - they were obviously resetting the stage. About 10 minutes went by and a voice came over the PA asking us to light the incense. The hall quickly filled with the scent of strawberry as the music from a sitar began to play. Dylan walked onto the stage, approached the mic and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my friend, George Harrison". The crowd went wild.

George Harrison, Ravi Shankar, The Band and Bob Dylan all on the same stage? Was I dreaming? No, I was living the dream. It was one of those experiences that was all too surreal, where your body is numb and your mind is focused on the moment. Unforgettable.

It had been a very long since I had had the pleasure of being sung to not sung at. Dylan truly connects with his audience as if you are the only person there. He's such a gentle soul, humble to the audience's response. Today, I am reveling - reliving last night and that night 36 years ago - because today I am feeling Forever Young.

Variations On A Theme

No doubt, I have a lot of time on my hands. I often sit and dwell on the ridiculous. The one subject that seems to repeatedly roll around my head is the meaning of words or how their meanings came to be.

Take the word crap, for example.

According to dictionary.com, the origin of crap dates back to 1425 A.D. Crap was generally applied to things cast off or discarded (e.g. "weeds growing among corn"). During the 1440's, crap was the underworld's slang for "money". Then, in 1898, the word crap was first recorded to mean "rubbish, nonsense".

Modern day use of crap has become commonplace and takes on many meanings.

1. dung, feces
There's dog crap on my lawn!

2. to defecate
You're dog crapped on my lawn!

3. nonsense, lies
Stop talking crap!

4. junk, shoddy
Get your crap out of here!

As a verb, there are also phrases using crap.

1. to avoid work
Don't crap around the office!

2. to cause misery
Don't crap on me!

3. to ruin
Don't crap up my house!

4. to loose
Don't crap out!

5. to act foolishly
Cut that crap out!

6. to deceive
What a load of crap!

So, what's this all leading to? Oh, crap!



Look at this magnificent pile of crap! Thank you, Ettarose, for the prized Golden Feces Award! Wanna win your own pile of crap? Check out Etta's blog, Sanity on Edge, each Wednesday for her craption contest.

Now, for the photo and my winning caption.....

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Don't crap out and miss this week's installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! There's still plenty of time to enter...click here.

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 14

(Cue circus music.) Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the greatest show on earth! It's time for another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! It's fun and oh so easy to play.

Simply put on your thinking cap and take a gander at the photo below. Then, once your brain engages, submit your caption. See how easy this is?

Amaze your friends and family with the lovely Golden Phallus. This coveted trophy will be awarded to the author of the winning caption. Wouldn't this look great on your fireplace mantel? Plus, there's more! The winner will also be awarded 500, that's right, 500 EC credits.

And, what's a contest without the fine print? Enter as often as you like, contest ends midnight Sunday. Be sure to check back here Monday for the announcement of those that received most-honorable mentions and the grand prize winner. The decision of The Impartial Panel of Three is final.

Kool-Aid, It Ain't Ghetto

I am 50-something and, recently, it has been brought to my attention that drinking Kool-Aid is ghetto. How in the world did I miss this endorsement?

As kids we were treated to Fizzies soft drink tablets. These magical tablets more often ended on our tongues rather than in a tall glass of water. My younger sisters and I would run through the house snarling at one another with various colors of foam oozing from our mouths as we pretended to be rabid animals. No wonder there were those times when our mother would throw up her hands and, for a brief moment, surrender to our “un-lady-like” behavior. Days would then go by without our afternoon Fizzies frenzy. Enough of this prohibition; we would drag a chair from the dining table to the kitchen counter. As one of us would climb up to search the cabinets, the other two would serve as lookouts and wait for the victory cry, “Found ‘em!”.

One Saturday morning, during our ritual cartoon marathon, we were introduced to a giant talking pitcher as it crashed through the garden wall, “Oh, yeah”. The kids in the commercial were happy and having lots of fun and the mom seemed very pleased as she poured glasses of this icy concoction. How could we get our hands on this new drink? This drink called Kool-Aid was sure to change our lives.

The older we became the less we were invited to participate in the family grocery shopping. I guess our mother began to tire of her basket being filled with boxes of the latest sugar coated cereals and forbidden snacks. Not to mention the scene at the checkout with three whining kids as she set aside the items she had not placed in her basket. It did, however, take her several trips to realize it was her own daughters placing those unwanted items because she would blame other shoppers for mistaking her basket for theirs. We knew tagging along with her to the market was not an option.

We set about our plan to obtain this life-changing refreshment. We tried peer pressure, “Vicki’s mother buys Kool-Aid and so does Linda and Debbie’s mom”. She ignored us. We also tried, “They say Kool-Aid is good for you”. That didn’t work either. Still faced with the quest of obtaining our drink mix, we remembered Mother jotting down a list before leaving for the market. This list would rest on top of a stack of McCall’s and Woman’s Day magazines for several days as she poured through the pages discovering new recipes. We would simply add Kool-Aid to her list. And, with very little thought, we’d use forgery.

I tore three pages from my Big Chief tablet and, with her list in front of us, we gave our creative best to copy her cursive writing. Oddly, it was the youngest (only 4 years old) that seemed to have the artistic ability to forge Mother’s handwriting. Well, sort of, okay…not really, but she was the “baby” and the least likely to get in trouble if our scheme was discovered. She took Mother’s pen and carefully scrawled our request to the bottom of the list. Then, giggling all the way, we ran to my bedroom, closed the door behind us and hid under the bed. We were excited! We were scared!

The next day we noticed the list was gone. Had she been to the market? Was the Kool-Aid up in the cabinets? No. Our daddy had taken the list! We waited outside for Daddy’s return and offered to wag the bags from the car to the kitchen. After the first trip I remained behind to do some snooping. I rustled through the bags until my eyes finally focused on the brightly colored envelopes. I swear, the angels began to sing as I pulled the Holy Grail from the bag; our quest for the coveted drink mix was over.

Lo and behold our lives began to change. We were no longer forgers; we were now entrepreneurs. We set up a folding card table and taped a sign to it that announced our Kool-Aid stand was open for business. We sat diligently, waved at all the passers-by until they had to stop for a refreshing glass - it was delicious. We had regular customers and we were rolling in the dough. On really hot days we offered popsicles made from Kool-Aid we had frozen in our molds. We blended flavors together for new taste sensations. We were happy and having lots of fun.

Yes, there have been many times in my life where I put aside my Kool-Aid for the sophistication of more adult-like drinks, but I always come back. I raised my children on Kool-Aid. Even as I write this piece, I am enjoying a Kool-Aid cocktail made by blending mango and cherry flavors. Now, I ask you, when did drinking Kool-Aid become ghetto?


Note: Originally published on 09/28/08, this was my very first post here at The Screaming Me-Me. Today marks my 200th post!.

Wacky Wednesday! Hell's Kitchen

Last night as I watched the finale of Hell's Kitchen, I was inspired to find a few new recipes for the upcoming holiday season. I searched Google and found the usual recipes until I came across a site with an twist, RecipeZaar. For your convenience, I have reprinted a few of their selections.


CHOCOLATE MOOSE

Ingredients-

• 1 moose
• 40 lbs Hershey chocolate
• 17 containers Cool Whip
  
• 1 Cherry

Directions-
1. Send spouse to Alaska to capture moose, or have one delivered by UPS.
2. Meanwhile, melt chocolate in very large double boiler.
3. Keep warm.
4. Tie up moose with rope.
5. Holding the moose by the tail, carefully dip in melted chocolate, covering it completely with a thin coating.
6. Arrange moose attractively on large platter and refrigerate for 2 days to set chocolate.
7. Remove rope, wash to remove chocolate,if necessary, and return rope to clothesline.
8. Garnish chocolate moose with Cool Whip and top with a cherry.
9. Serve immediately.
10. Or you could just chew on the rope, which may be tastier.
11. May be doubled for serving a crowd.


UDDERLY WONDERFUL ECLAIRS

Ingredients-

• 2 fresh lean cow udders
• 1 pint whipping cream
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1 (14 ounce) can artichoke hearts
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 small smelt, filleted

Directions-
1. Soak the cow udders in Nair to remove the hair. Repeat several times if necessary until all hair is removed. Rinse in warm water.
2. Place a stick of butter into a warm frying pan. Wait until all of the butter has melted, then add the cow udders. Fry them for 15-20 minutes until golden brown.
3. Chop the artichoke hearts and smelt on a cutting board into fine pieces.
4. In a large bowl, add the whipping cream, brown sugar and the chopped artichokes, and smelt.
5. With a mixer on low, whip until creamy with a consistency like vanilla pudding.
6. Remove the udders from the pan and make a long slice down the side of each udder.
7. Spread the pudding mixture into each slit. Serve warm or cold and have an "Udderly Wonderful" snack.


KID'S TIME-OUT LUNCH

Ingredients -

• 1 Slice whole wheat bread
• 1 Glass water

Directions-
1. Place bread on a steel prison lunch tray.
2. Place glass of water out until it is room temperature.
3. Serve to misbehaving child and say in your best parental tones,"Kids in Botswana would be proud to have so much"!


If you enjoyed these mouth-watering recipes and would like to add more to your collection, check out RecipeZaar.

Oh-Bone Festival

Have you ever wondered how other countries from around the world might celebrate Halloween? Well, hold on to your pumpkins because we are about to take a look at Halloween in Japan.

In Japan, Halloween is called "Matsuri" or "Urabon" (pronounced oh-bone) and, much like we celebrate the season, this Japanese custom is dedicated to the spirits of the dead. However, they celebrate during the month of July or August instead of October. Why? I dunno.

Then I was curious how Japanese trick-or-treaters would dress and was amused by the variety of costumes that were offered online. Take a look, but keep in mind, these are adult costumes.


You know, nothing says, "Happy Halloween" quite like a giant hissing cockroach. This year, I'm keeping a can of bug spray near the door...just in case a giant cockroach tries to get its creepy-crawly hands on my candy.


Or, how about a cute little giraffe? Everyone loves a giraffe. I thought this costume had an interesting design concept. Imagine, if you will, this costume in a public restroom. Weird.


This costume is perfectly suitable for Halloween everywhere. Any man wearing a banana suit is just plain spooky. Notice: This banana has a talking head! Anyone out there read Japanese?


And, what's Halloween without Monkey Man? Whether it be man or beast, if anything came to my door with balls this size...well, I'd be petrified! Oh-Bone!!!

I hope you have enjoyed taking a look at how another country celebrates Halloween. But before you go, I found a short video of an Oh-Bone Festival celebration.

Now, for your viewing pleasure.....

Columbus Day Awards

No, I'm not handing out a GPS device, but I do have an ocean full of business to take care of today. So, let's get to it.

Each Wednesday over at nonamedufus, this Canadian blogger holds a caption contest. This week, I took the prize for Pause, Ponder and Pun!

"Looks as if Dolly Parton will take second place
in the Country Music Marathon."

For my creative efforts, I take home the dufus award - yep, I be hangin' with nonamedufus. Thank you, dufus!

I have also received awards from two other bloggers because of my awesomeness. The first award is from Kat over at Candles, Crafts and Whatnot. She thinks I have One Lovely Blog. Thank you Kat! Be sure to stop over and give her a visit.


Yesterday, I received an award from Frank Lee MeiDere. This Humor Blogger over at I Probably Don't Like You probably does like me because he passed along the Superior Scribbler Award to me. Thank you, Frank! Be sure to pay him a visit too.



Now its time for me to announce the winning author of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 13. As most of you know, the judging is conducted by an independent panel, The Impartial Panel of Three. Their decision this week was quite difficult because so many of you submitted so many hilarious captions. Thank you all for playing!

The most honorable mentions go to.....

Joel Klebanoff said...

No. No. No. I asked, "You want us to pose under where?"

MA Fat Woman said...

The Hane's family 2009 Holiday Greetings Card

nonamedufus said...

Billy Bob didn't get the memo the guys were wearing boxers for the Hanes family picture.

The winning author, of course, takes home The Golden Phallus plus 500 EntreCard credits. This week's winner is that geeky girl from Texas fighting brain fog one post at a time - Reforming Geek. Congratulations!

"Yes. That's right. Just picture them in their
underwear and you won't be nervous"!

And, while your clicking, this Humor Blogger has a hilarious blog, Confessions of a Reforming Geek. I promise, you'll definitely enjoy this one!

That wraps it up for today folks. Hope to see all of you next Friday for another installment of Caption This!

Monster Mash!

He did the mash. He did the monster mash! The Monster Mash!

What is Halloween without head bangin', guitar wailin' rock 'n roll music? Right? After last week's Sunday Shuffle, I decided to pull from my playlist this week those songs that are fitting for the season.

Okay, so all of these may not exactly be your cup of witches' brew, but surely there are a couple on the list you will recognize.

1. Bark at the Moon - Ozzy Osbourne
2. Dragula - Rob Zombie
3. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
4. Voodoo - Godsmack
5. Freak on a Leash - Nine Inch Nails
6. Space Lord - Monster Magnet
7. Them Bones - Alice in Chains
8. Iron Man - Black Sabbath
9. Hells Bells - AC/DC
10. Harvester of Sorrow - Metallica

What? You were really expecting The Monster Mash or maybe Witchy Woman? Nope, not here. I went with gut wrenchin' metal today.

For your convenience, I put them all on a playlist for you so you can continue your surfing in another window while listening. Clever, huh?

Now, for your Halloween Top Ten listening pleasure....oh, I suggest you pump up the volume.

Vince Is Out - ShamWOW!!!

Offer "Vince" Shlomi has served his time. Vince, you'll remember, was the TV pitchman for that product no household could be without, Shamwow. He had been serving time for assault and battery charges and possession of crystal methamphetamine. Whether or not Vince returns to television remains to be seen.

Humor Bloggers Dot Com held a Mr. Shamwow Carnival in honor of Vince's birthday last April. Now, to honor his release from jail, I am re-posting my tribute. Enjoy!


Ode To Vince, The Poem
by The Screaming Me-Me!!!

Everyone everywhere knows of Vince
He’s the one that tries to convince
Each and every household with TVs
That we really must have one of these!

It’s not a towel or a rag you see
It’s a magical cloth from Germany
Soaking up its weight in cola and wine
Look how that counter top begins to shine!

Now, Vince isn’t really much of a looker
He wanted a woman, so he bought a hooker
She bit his tongue, oh what a bloody mess
There was blood, even on the hooker’s dress!

Now Vince sits, I hear he’s doing time
His once golden voice isn’t worth a dime
Don’t dare ask me where, when or how
Who will now sell the magical ShamWow?

Copyright 2009


Reminder: There's still time for you to Caption This! Click on over and join the fun.

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 13

I was up at 4 o'clock this morning to join my neighbors in their backyard for the viewing of NASA's $74 million dollar project where two rockets were crashed into the moon's south pole. Yep, 4 o'clock is mighty early!

What is NASA searching for? Hidden ice.

Why? To determine if there is water under the moon's surface.

Do I care? Not really, but it was very cool to view the moon through their three really high-powered telescopes.

Did I see the impact? No. But what I did see, in addition to the surface of the moon, was the Orion nebula and Mars. Awesome!

Will I ever get up at 4 o'clock again? Doubtful.


Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another installment of Caption This!

Take a look at the photo below. Nice family photo, huh? Enter often, your clever captions will be accepted until mid-night Sunday. The winner will be announced here on Monday and will receive The Golden Phallus plus 500 EntreCard credits.

Good luck!

Click photo to enlarge...I dare you!

Quotable: Woody Allen

1. Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

2. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

3. I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'

4. In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

5. It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

6. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

7. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

8. Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

9. To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

10. What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

11. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

12. Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

13. It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Wacky Wednesday! At The Movies

Although it's usually promoted as a Halloween movie, regardless of the time of year, this is absolutely one of my favorite films. This horror musical premiered in 1975 and once had a cult following where 10's of thousands would flock to their local theaters for the midnight showing of this legendary film, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Starring Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon and Meatloaf, this film is best viewed in the company of a full theater. Rocky Horror fans attend in the costume of their favorite character and/or will bring props to participate in the various scenes. I love watching the devotees of this movie even more than I do watching the screen. Talk about wacky!

Make The Rocky Horror Picture Show a "must see" this Halloween season. Oh, and don't forget to take a bag of rice!

Candy! Candy! Candy!

The Halloween tradition of going door-to-door begging for candy dates back to the middle ages. It resembles the medieval practice of "souling", where poor people would go door-to-door receiving food in return for their prayers for the dead on All Saints Day (November 1).

As a trick-or-treating kid, my bag was always full of delicious treats. In addition to the Tootsie Rolls, Milky Ways and candy corn, there were those moms in the neighborhood that would make marshmallow treats, popcorn balls and caramel apples and would place them neatly wrapped in my bag. I hurried from house-to-house in anticipation of returning home to sample all that was holy.....candy!

My parents were cautious, they would inspect my bag of goodies and take out those things that looked suspicious - like the Almond Joys and the Hershey bars. Come on, this was the 60's. This was a time when the practice of tainting candy really wasn't an issue. However, I continued this practice with my own children just to get my hands on the candy!

After the inspection of my bag, I would head to my room and start hiding my candy like a squirrel hides his nuts. I'd put a little here and put a little there hoping to make it last until Christmas. I had a stash that was never too far from my reach, even after the lights went out. Oh, how I love candy!

The day would finally come when my many stashes were depleted. I must have candy! I'd go to my sisters, who had also squirreled their candy away, seeking my sugar fix. Sadly, they had depleted their reserves as well. I'd even check with the other kids in the neighborhood. The dark circles under my eyes, the incoherent chatter and my stumbling swagger were clear signs that I was nothing more than a junkie out roaming the neighborhood looking to satisfy my jones for candy.

Yes, there have been those years when I've had to go back to the store the afternoon of Halloween to replace the candy I had bought a week or so in advance. By this time, I didn't care what I gave the trick-or-treaters. I would buy the gigantic variety bag of candy that wasn't quite as appealing as the Hershey Miniatures and the Milky Ways I had bought the week before. Oh boy, the looks these masked kids would give me as I dropped a few Dum-Dums or those black and orange taffy things in their bags were daunting. I felt the shame.

Halloween, to me, was and still is.....all about the candy. So, if you see an adult dressed like Thomas the Train at your door this year, think about me. Be sympathetic. There are many of us out their that relive this shame every year. Be generous. We may not soap your windows or TP your lawn, but your credit report could definitely be in jeopardy.

We Are The Champions My Friends.....

Good day ladies and gentlemen! I'm starting this week off with the presentation of awards. These recipients are some of the real heros of the blogsophere.

The Impartial Panel of Three has rendered their decision for Caption This! No. 12. Thank you all for playing and I hope to see you here again Friday for another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse.


Before we get to the winning author, lets give a big round of applause to those that received a most honorable mention.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Later that night, the Cavendish dogs, realizing at long last that drastic action would be required to save the remaining vestiges of their pride, savagely attacked and killed their owners.

nonamedufus said...

Timmy awoke from his freakish nightmare swearing never to feed Lassie junk food again.

moooooog35 said...

Shortly thereafter, and without warning, her dogs ganged up and ate Edna alive.

This week's winner and recipient of The Golden Phallus plus 500 EntreCard credits goes to Bill S. Congratulations Bill, very clever!!!

"The Collie family knows how-l to celebrate Halloween."

Whoa, there! We're not done yet.

Late yesterday I received an award from The Peach Tart. By her own admission, she's one reluctant white trash southern belle. Originally from the south myself, I really relate to her hilarious writings. Please click over, give her a read and do follow - you'll be glad you did. Thank you, Peach!


However, there are conditions for being a recipient of this lovely award.....

1. Answer the questions below using only one word
2. Thank the blogger who gave it to you
3. Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers.

So, now the questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? lost
2. Your hair? mess
3. Your mother? beautiful
4. Your father? handsome
5. Your favorite food? bacon
6. Your dream last night? hallucination
7. Your favorite drink? Kool-Aid
8. Your dream/goal? recluse
9. What room are you in? bed
10. Your hobby? TV
11. Your fear? snakes!
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? hiding
13. Where were you last night? home
14. Something you aren't? psycho
15. Muffins? apple
16. Wish list item? crayons
17. Where did you grow up? Arkansas
18. Last thing you did? post
19. What are you wearing? pj's
20. Your TV? on
21. Your pets? dog
22. Your friends? many
23. Your life? simple
24. Your mood? hopeful
25. Missing someone? family
26. Vehicle? BMW
27. Something you're not wearing? bra
28. Your favorite store? .99
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? earlier
31. Last time you cried? rarely
32. Your best friend? B.D.
33. One place that I go over and over? mountains
34. One person who emails me regularly? Joel
35. Favorite place to eat? Tex-Az

Now, I must pass this award along to six of my favorite bloggers. What? Only six? Okay, I've narrowed the list.....the following bloggers are definitely over the top!

Cat Lady Larew
Quirky Loon
Redhead Ranting
PJ's Prose
Retro Kimmer
The Soccer Mom Files

Congratulations, ladies!!! Everyone, be sure to visit these fine bloggers.

.....and we'll keep on fighting to the end!