Classifieds: Help Wanted

Finding a job that actually pays you to get out of bed each morning is becoming more and more difficult to find, especially in an area which has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country.

While perusing my usual sources for employment ads yesterday, I ran across this one.....

Man-Servant Needed

Look, I'll cut to the chase. I just need some help around my house.

Duties of a man-servant include, but are not limited to the following:
- Daily trash removal
- Back rubs
- Daily cleaning of litter boxes
- Sponge baths
- Preparation of lights meals and snacks
- Gratuitous compliments about how great I look in my penguin pajamas

In addition, a man-servant will have to be able to handle the following:
- Watching me dance around (without pants on) to show tunes
- Wearing a bedazzled loincloth while performing chores
- Occasional sexual harassment
- The sound of a whip cracking

Salary is negotiable and bonuses are available depending on how special you've made me feel by the end of the day.

If you're interested, please contact me as soon as possible. I'll need to fit you for the loincloth and then bedazzle it by hand before you can start.

Any takers?