Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Fractured ABC's Of Christmas - N
N is for Nooter
With a wagging tail and four paws
His dog house is trimmed and lighted
As he anxiously waits for Santa Claus
Today's letter is dedicated to all of our furry four-legged friends. This suggestion is brought to you by Nooter the Dog. Nooter writes a blog where in his last episode he is trying to escape from his human. Why? Because the human is wanting to dress up Nooter for the annual holiday photo. Click on over to read more.
A recent poll shows that 52% of pet owners plan to buy their pet a holiday gift this year. There are the usual gifts such as a new collar and leash, doggie treats, balls and butcher's bones. Some pet owners will even purchase clothing to dress their pets on Christmas day. Most pets, like Nooter, do have issues with wearing clothing, I don't blame them. I think its hilarious to see the look on their faces, its almost like they are disgusted or embarrassed to be wearing a silly, festive frock.
Take a look.....
See what I mean? Elvis is a highly trained guard dog. He is macho. But, now that he's donning this elf costume, he just looks plain silly. You have challenged his ability to protect your home and family. Besides that, even a dog shouldn't be forced to wear horizontal stripes.
Now, I ask you, does this Christmas kitty look happy? No she doesn't, she is pissed! I imagine she is de-clawsed (pun intended). At least I hope she is or you'll be spending Christmas morning with a bottle of peroxide and a tube of antibiotic ointment. Don't you think she kind of resembles Winston Churchill? Sour puss.
Okay, a goat in the house dressed as Santa. Good, lord! You have to wonder, what in the hell is this goat thinking? I tell you what he's thinking. He's thinking you are a cheap bastard because your Christmas tree is an artificial one. C'mon, after all you'll buy your goat a Santa costume, couldn't you spring for a real tree too?
I'm not sure what these things are - toads or lizards? Regardless, nothing says Merry Christmas like dressing your reptile for the holidays. Can you imagine the look on Grandma's face as she reaches under the tree and finds these things? Holy crap! Did anyone remember to buy Grandma her Depends?
I put a red bandanna on my dog once, he didn't like it at all. He rolled around and shook with all his might until I removed it. I bought him boots once, I didn't know a 135 pound Akita could dance until I attempted to place them on his paws. I even bought him blinking reindeer antlers, he chewed them up. My dog, like Nooter, just isn't the pet-dressing type, he prefers to be al la natural.
Okay, I realize there are those of you that do dress your pets and, actually, I'd love to see their pictures - please provide a link in the comments or send them to me via email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I'll share them here later during this series of Fractured ABC's. I promise I won't make fun of them.....too much.
By the way, I want to thank those who have taken the time to vote for me over at Humor-Blogs. Dufus pointed out to me yesterday that my blog had reached the number one position! Wooo-hooo!!! If you'll look in the sidebar under Vote for the Screaming Me-Me, you'll notice the small banner with the number one in it. Got an extra 5 seconds? Then vote. Thank you very much!