A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I sent a wire, resigning from my club - I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
“Whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?
“All of us? But that’s bigamy!”
“Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”
A woman is an occasional pleasure, a cigar is always a smoke.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gald to make an exception.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
I sent a wire, resigning from my club - I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I drink to make other people interesting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
“Whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?
“All of us? But that’s bigamy!”
“Yes, and it’s big-a-me too.”
A woman is an occasional pleasure, a cigar is always a smoke.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be gald to make an exception.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
