1. Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
2. I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
3. I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'
4. In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
5. It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
6. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
7. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
8. Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
9. To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
10. What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
11. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
12. Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
13. It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Ha! Very funny. Those are good ones. Personally, I defy number 13.
ReplyDeleteI will be carrying a tune when I go!
You can count on it!
la la la la la la la la la
I'm always singing! hee hee
I LOVE woody allen. He totally cracks me up!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be there when I die either
ReplyDeleteOh these are Precious!!!! Glad to hear that once I achieve the whole Oneness thing, I can go on to the Twoness! LOL! Too funny! I can't pick a fav - they are all great!
ReplyDelete@ Quirky - Yes, you will - along with Gomer Pyle.
ReplyDelete@ Lee - You bet, his neurotic nature is second to none.
@ Peach - Me neither. I hope I'm in Paris.
@ suZen - Maybe you'll achieve this through nature - to be "two" with nature would be the ultimate!
Aah, the incomparable Woody Allen. Is he dead yet?
ReplyDeleteA woman who quotes Woody Allen. I think I'm in love.
ReplyDeleteI've fashioned my life after some of his more neurotic characters. Or maybe it just worked out that way.
My favorite Woody Allen movie is one that many people have never heard of, Play it Again Sam. If you're going to rent it, it helps if you're first familiar with (and, preferably, a big fan of) the Humphrey Bogart & Ingrid Bergman movie, Casablanca. Although, that's not absolutely necessary because the key scene from Casablanca is included as a clip in Play it Again Sam.
His latest movie (he's not in it), Whatever Works, is also great.
Oh, another quote from him: I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Thank you so much for posting this. I love Woody Allen's humor!
ReplyDelete@ Don - Well, let me check Wikipedia....be right back. Nope, still alive.
ReplyDelete@ Joel - Truthfully, you came to mind as I prepared this post. Thanks for the additional information. I love your last WA quote!
@ Skip - Your are welcome. Woody's contributions to film and comedy are classic.
Funny quotes . . . I've never been a big Woody Allen fan (Annie Hall being an exception), but these gave me a chuckle.
ReplyDelete@Me-Me: If I come to mind often you might want to seek professional help for that. That can't be healthy.
ReplyDeleteWoody Allen's a genius. One of my favorite WA quotes: "My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
ReplyDeleteBut my favorite quote of all comes at the end of his great film, Annie Hall: "This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken,’ and uh, the doctor says, ‘well why don’t you turn him in?’ And the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’ Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but uh, I guess we keep going through it…because…most of us need the eggs."
hehehe, those are good. #2 is scary, but i believe true and #10...what if? have a great night!
ReplyDelete@ Knucklehead - Oh, good. I aims to please.
ReplyDelete@ Joel - Oh, okay. I'll stop thinking about you then.
@ MikeWJ - Oh, how I love Annie Hall and, for me, that is one of the most memorable scenes. Thanks so much!
@ PJ - You don't know how many times I have thought about #10 as a real possibility. There have been so many times in my life where I wished that person would just wake up.
Woody Allen is undoubtedly a funny and talented guy. I have to admit that I like him less after the whole Soon-yi thing, which always make me think "creepy" in addition to funny and talented.
ReplyDeleteI love #10. I hope they don't wake up.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of his movies, but those were pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteYou have to love Woody Allen quotes!! He is a funny man!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to have found your blog, you make me laugh daily!!!
I have given you an award over at Candles, Crafts and Whatnot. Congrats! and Thanks!
:) Kat
You forgot:
ReplyDelete"Mmmmmm...adopted daughter sex..."
Woody Allen is funny, funny! I think I will make #6 my motto...I'm totally in agreement with that.
ReplyDelete