X-Men And Lady Whup-Ass

The new movie, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opened yesterday on the golden screens across America. From what I've seen of the trailers, it looks like a really good action-packed film. However, I'll have to wait for the DVD release because I'm just not one that goes to the theater.

There is something about me and theaters, in recent years, that doesn't mesh. For the life of me, I can not stay awake no matter how exciting the movie's characters are or how exciting the plot happens to be or how loud the soundtrack is. Well c'mon, you are seated in a dark room in a big comfy seat and, after filling up on popcorn, hot dogs and Good 'n Plenty, I'm out like a light. 

So, I decided to create my own fantasy character, Lady Whup-Ass, in honor of the release of another in a series of X-men movies - bring it on Hugh Jackman! You, too, can create your own character over at HeroMachine. This generator has thousands of options - so, have fun with it!  

Lady Whup-Ass

And, don't forget to add your caption to the photo over at Me-Me's Playhouse.  You're vying for The Golden Phallus and 500 EC credits.  Hurry along now, contest ends Sunday at mid-night. 

Me-Me's Playhouse - Caption This! No. 2

Well, boys and girls, it's time for another installment of "Caption This!" While selecting the photo today for Me-Me's Playhouse, I have to wonder, has this particular photo ever been featured before? 

You see, over at Humor Bloggers, Da Old Man, Lady Sarcasm and The Soccer Mom also offer you a chance to get your creative juices flowing every Wednesday - be sure to check 'em out!

The rules are quite simple:

1. View the photo below.

2. Insert creative caption.

See how easy this is?  

Now, what do we have for the winner?

1. The Golden Phallus

2. 500 EntreCard Credits

The Fine Print: 

Enter often.

Contest closes at midnight Sunday.  

Decision of  the "Impartial Panel of Three" is final.

click photo for larger view.....if you dare!

25 Ways To Tell You've Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the weather channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".

8. You go from 130 days vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a T-shirt no longer qualify as dressed up.

10. You're the one calling the police because those $&@*!^# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes any more.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the sofa makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the entire date, not just the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit".

21. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".

22. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

23. 90% of your time in front of the computer is for "real" work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to the bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?".

BONUS:

26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. 

Is there something you'd like to add to the list? Perhaps, a moment that made you realize you're all grown up now? 

Wacky Wednesday! - Ping Pong

As a kid, I played a lot of ping pong, usually in the basement of a friend's home or in a cluttered garage. The sport seemed to fizzle over time until a new interest in ping pong emerged when Tom Hanks became a world table tennis champion in the movie, Forest Gump. Now, Anheuser-Bush has plans for taking this sport out of the basement and are putting it where it belongs - in bars across America.

That's right, the brewer has placed 4,600 ping pong tables in local taverns across the country. The Bud Light Hard Bat Ping Pong Tournament may be coming to a bar near you. It's the nostalgia factor their marketers feel that could bring this sport to be the next Texas Hold 'Em. With a cash prize of $100,ooo, no doubt, there will be some interesting play during the national finals that will take place in Las Vegas in late June.

So, dust off your paddles, grab your balls and head down to your local pub to register for one of the regional tournaments. Oh, and while you're there, don't forget to order up a Busch.  Who knows, you could very well be the next table tennis champion of the world.

Quotable: Jack Handey

1. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

 

2. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?  We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

 

3. One thing kids like is to be tricked.  For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."

 

4. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset?  And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet.  And also, you're drunk.

5. If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

6. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.

7. I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

8. Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

9. If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

10. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

11. During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

12. Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

13. If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

14. Broken promises don't upset me.  I just think, why did they believe me?

15. Consider the daffodil.  And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

Gone Fishing

Ahhh, it's that time of year again. Time to head to Worms-R-Us, update your gear and head to the lake. My dad had me (and my younger sisters) on the lake fishing at a very young age. We learned rig our poles, bait our own hooks, land 'em, clean 'em and fry 'em up before we were ever given the opportunity to mow the lawn. These are the most memorable days of my childhood - fishing the lakes and rivers of south Arkansas with my dad. And, this is a tradition that we pass from generation-to-generation. My son, as a young boy, was also bit by the fishing bug.  

There was a time when, if I wasn't fishing, I was watching fishing shows on television. Bill Dance was a popular sportsman host in our area, as seen in the video below. Some of these scenes are hilarious and remind me of all the good times I've had fishing. Do yourself a favor, get off your butt and go fishing. It gives you time to yourself in the great outdoors, whether you catch anything or not, you'll be glad you did. 

Hey, the truck is pulling out - I gotta go!

   

Fishing: On The Hook

A young guy from Alberta moves to Vancouver and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. 

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"  

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Alberta ." 

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?  

The kid says "one".  

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"  

The kid says "$101,237.65".  

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"  

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.  

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."  

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"  

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot. You should go fishing."