Douche Lord

Friday night I watched Andrew Young on 20/20 as he exposed "the truth" regarding his role in covering up Senator John Edwards' affair with Richelle Hunter. I'm not going into all the details of that interview here because I'm sure you are just as sick of hearing about this as I am. However, I am going to give you the bottom line. Take a good look at this man.

Douche Lord

What is a douche lord? I'm glad you asked. According to the definitions published by Urban Dictionary, Senator Edwards is a prime candidate for such a label. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me one bit if they placed his picture next to the definitions which have been submitted for further clarification.

1. douche lord An extreme version of the term douche bag (a demeaning obscenity using reference to a tool women use during their period). A douche lord would reference that a person is beyond a douche bag- and requires a more demeaning term.

2. douche lord Someone who is such a Douche bag that douche bag doesn't sufficiently describe their level of douche baggery.

Also see: douche bag, asshole, tool, moron, dick head, jackass, fucktard, John Edwards.

Each week I have a different theme on my sidebar. If you've never paid attention before, now is a good time to take a look. I use a South Park generator to depict a personality under the header About Me and, a little further down, a related YouTube video to round it out. This week's theme is dedicated to John Edwards and Richelle Hunter. Enjoy!

Caption This! No. 29 Winner!

Wooo-hooo! Or should I say, Mooo-Mooo! When I put this week's photo up I honestly thought there would be no way you all could top yourselves over last week's captions. Man, I was wrong. You people are freakin' hilarious!

The Panel has given many a nod this week to those receiving a most-honorable mention. Give a round of applause to:

Cat Lady Larew said:
"Is that your udder, or are you just REALLY glad to see me?"

Nooter said:
"Uncle henrys latest obsession is to become the mascot for dell computers."

Mrs. Blogalot said:
"I got something them cow tippers ain't never gonna ferget."

Tgoette said:
"Sure we all know the happy cows from California and the miserable cows from Wisconsin, but little was known about the wild militia cows from Montana."

C: said:
"Charlie "Holstein" MacGuernsey, veteran of the viscous "Vegan Rebellion of 2014," poses amidst his plunder for the media."

Now, the winner.....

This blogger is no stranger to Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! In fact, this is the 3rd time The Panel has awarded The Golden Phallus to Freak Smack. Can you say 3-peat? Congratulations Freak Smack!!!

You all really must visit his blog, Smack A Freak. I go there all the time to take a peak of all the criminal mug shots he posts. For some reason, he seems to post quite a few from Maricopa County, which is scary, that's where I live. Now, go on over and check him out.

The winning caption.....

"I'll be DAMNED if I'm just going to sit back and watch
as aliens anal probe me and my herd again!"

Thank you all for playing! Be sure to drop back by on Wednesday for another edition of Caption This!

Good Housekeeping

Do you recognize her? That's Rosie, she was the robotic maid for the Jetsons. I believe Rosie may have been the original Roomba. Here's a 30-second commercial where Rosie proves herself to be more than just a maid.....






Now for some housekeeping of my own.....

Along with many of the folks who visit here, I have been nominated for a "Best of Blogs" award over at Studio 30 Plus. Yeah, yeah, some of you have already voted and I thank you, but most of you have not voted yet and the deadline is near. So, if you would be so kind, pop on over and vote here. Thank you very much!!!

Our featured neighbor this week, MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings, has made it to the next round for Knucklehead's Blog-Off 2010. Congratulations, Mike, well done! Thanks to all of you who took the time to read Mike's entry and voted. He moves on to the next round which begins Sunday.

Caption, caption, caption! If you have not entered your caption for this week's Caption This!, there's still time. So, go here to add your caption today, The Golden Phallus will be awarded tomorrow. Good luck!

Finally, thank you all for being so awesome to visit me here. I appreciate it so much. If you are not already stalking me, please do so with one simple click.

Have a great weekend everyone!!!

Ice & Snow: Take It Slow!

This is one man's rant which appeared somewhere and sent to me by a friend. I thought it was hilarious and decided to pass it along to you good folks.....enjoy!


Are you intimidated by winter driving? What the hell are you doing up here then? Do you know where you are? This isn't the fucking jungle or desert.

You inevitably pull out in front of me when there's no one behind me, and you could've waited another 15 seconds to not make anyone slam on their brakes on ice and snow. You then continue to drive really slow, say less than half the speed limit. No one in their right mind would pass someone on roads with a 2 ft snow drift in the median during a snow storm. So, I'm stuck behind you until you pull into whatever casino, bingo hall, party, or wherever you're headed that's OK be late to. Yes, I realize that driving on slippery roads and in low visibility can be scary, so I appreciate you driving within your limits. However, don't pull out in front of a car when you know you're not going to at least go the speed limit! Just wait another 30 seconds maybe (since you obviously aren't in a hurry anyway), and you won't ruin someone elses' day.

Also, when you see a line of cars 30-50 deep trapped behind you, you don't have to speed up, no, but you SHOULD pull over to let some by. You're obviously doing a really shitty job of setting the pace on this "not-safe-for-passing" road. Do us ALL a favor and let us get to our families, jobs, and real obligations, and pull the fuck over for fuck's sake! It's a common courtesy. If the shoulder has been replaced by a 14 ft wall of plowed snow (as we all know happens up here), find a decently plowed side road to pull on to for a minute. Don't be surprised or offended when you get 25 middle fingers and 37 horns out of the 50 cars you fucked for the last hour and a half that are now passing you.

Here are some tips for you that will make both of our lives easier:

1. Your winter driving confidence will grow 10 fold if you get rid of that 1994 Buick front wheel drive and get something with all wheel drive. You don't need a huge truck or SUV, but just something that actually gets some traction. Try a used Subaru. They're all wheel drive, cheap, and fuel efficient.

2. Go practice in an empty parking lot, and see what exactly your limits are and those of your vehicle. You won't get arrested for sliding around an empty parking lot Sunday evening outside of town.

3. You don't want to give up your front wheel drive Buick? Get some snow tires! At least for the front two wheels, but better yet all of your wheels could use them. You will be amazed at what a good set of snow tires actually do for your driving and confidence. There's a reason why they're popular up here.

4. Wait until the last car passes before pulling on to the road. See above. Shit!

5. Stay the fuck home! Visibility to low? Too windy? Icy roads? Then don't drive to the casino to lose another $200 bucks out of your $300 paycheck and jeopardize the roads for the rest of us. Stay home and watch game shows and beat your wife/husband/dog or whatever you sleep with at night.

6. Don't like option #5? Take a cab! Believe it or not, these guys are good at winter driving. They do this for a living and they're really quite nice people. Besides, the cab ride to the casino or bingo hall will only cost a fraction of what you'll lose once you get there. Plus you save the embarrassment of getting flipped off by grandma in the Ford Expedition while passing you.

7. Move to the South. I bet you'd fit in there anyway. Not sure what their casino scene is like, but you'll find some other unintelligent way to lose money. You can keep your Buick, too!

I realize the people who are actually the offenders are probably not going to read this, at least not many of them. First you have to get a computer. Then resist the urge to pawn it for casino money. If you know any of these assholes, tell them what you think about following them at 20 mph on Highway 41 or M28 for two goddamn hours. Thanks!

I'll see you on the road!

Me-Me's Neighborhood Caption This! No. 29

Yes, it's Wednesday already and time for another round of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! For you first-timers - take a look at the photo below, enter as many captions as you like and return on Saturday as The Impartial Panel of Three hands down their decision of who wins The Golden Phallus.

click on photo for a closer look.....

Now that you are done here, pop on over to Dufus' place for more captioning fun!

A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?

Ahhhh, to live a life of luxury, one can always dream. For those of us who may never accumulate the wealth it would take to do so, there's always the Internet to help us dream.

I do, however, have the luxury of time. Time to browse the Internet to shop for those things that I would have provided I had the means. There are so many "design your own" generators that one can configure their luxury items and, for a moment, live the good life. As you peruse my finds, feel free to click on the links to design your own and on any photo to biggify....that's what moooooog said.

For example, the ultimate dream car.....


That, my friends, is the Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport. The color? Why Chocolate, of course. The cost? $2 million. Can you imagine going to the grocery store or picking up the kids from soccer practice in this baby?! This car absolutely screams theme song. Yes, you can program the sound system to play your theme song each and every time you start the engine. Me? I'd play Steppenwolf's Born to be Wild. Note: For you Barry Manilow lovers, I suggest a Chevy Cobalt.

Give me a moment.....the wind in my hair, the roar of the engine, the sound of a police car's siren, the thrust of acceleration as I flee.....yeahhhhh!

Then, there are the simple things. A girl can never have too many shoes. For those of you that may not know, I hung my corporate heels up years ago. Now, on any given day, you'll find a pair of Converse on my feet. No, not the traditional red high tops. I'm talkin' about one the hundreds of designs you can have by just clicking a few buttons.


The cool thing about the Converse generator is you can design every aspect of these shoes: colors, prints, laces, linings, etc. And, if you're really adventurous, you can even personalize them with your own I.D., notice the "Scream" on the side of this shoe. The design? Yes, those are pink skull and crossbones, it's my version of Chanel. The cost? $62. Just think of the hundreds of pairs you could have if money were no object. Pop on over to design yours and don't forget the other members of your family, they'll want 30-40 pairs too.

Well, that's just a couple of examples out there where you can live the dream without leaving your laptop. It's fun, it's easy, it's free. Give it a try. And, for those of you who are dreamers like me, if you have a favorite design generator, please let me know. I just love dreaming.

And, speaking of dreaming, do you dream of winning The Golden Phallus? Join me tomorrow for another edition of Caption This!. Your dreams could come true.

Me-Me's Neighborhood No. 4

Ohhhhh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Today's featured neighbor is no stranger to the blogosphere. As you leave comments here and there, you have probably seen him around from time-to-time. Please drop by his place today for a visit and make him feel welcomed. Be sure to drop him a note, it's the neighborly thing to do.

I first met MikeWJ through Humor Bloggers Dot Com. His blog has been a favorite of mine for quite some time. Yeah, we're bloggin' buddies for sure! If he's not already on your regular route, I'm sure you'll find his writing worth adding Too Many Mornings to your rounds.

Don't believe me? Well try this on for size.....

I killed a man down in LoDo one night. Beat him to death with my hickory because I spilled my drink when he elbowed me and he wouldn’t apologize for it. He deserved what he got, but the judge disagreed and put me in the hole for a long time.

I didn’t like it at the federal pen in Canon City, especially the showers and the food, but there was an upside: I learned how to read and write, earned my high school diploma, and figured out my public defender made some mistakes at my trial. Now I’m free again, and I’ve got a blog where I can say anything I want, even if not a word of it’s true.

Currently, MikeWJ is one of the last bloggers standing in the Blog-Off 2010 being held over at Knucklehead's. Please give MikeWJ's latest entry, Gluteus Maximus Discovers the Mystical Shroud of Tourin', a read. This piece is absolutely hysterical, something anyone who has ever taken a car trip with the family can relate to. Then make your way over to Knucklehead's to vote!

Trust me, once you leave MikeWJ a comment, he will stalk you forever! Now, get goin', there's nothing more to see here.

Hello Mr. Sunshine!

The rains are gone. The sky is blue. The sun is out. While I'm unloading the ark today, please enjoy this little tune by Billie Holiday, Stormy Weather. For the past week this song played over and over in my head.



Please join me tomorrow as I spotlight another blogger from the neighborhood.

Caption This! No. 28 Winner!

To borrow a phrase from Frank Zappa, good googly moogly! This week's photo for Caption This! brought in over 40 great captions! Thank you all so much for playing. And a special thank you to all the first-timers who stopped by and gave this little game a shot.

The Impartial Panel of Three has been going back-and-forth over the past few days trying to decide on the winning caption. Honestly, I would not want to be in their shoes. Good googly moogly, did you all take some kind of pill which caused you to be so creative? Wow, great job everyone!

Before we get to the winning caption, The Panel would like for me to recognize the following for their efforts. Those receiving a most-honorable mention are:

moooooog said:
"The Kirstie Alley Fan Club."

Freak Smack said:
- Haiti's New Earthquake Safety Poster -
"In the case of severe ground Shaking, grab the nearest immovable object and hold on for dear life."

The mad woman behind the blog said:
Oh My Gawd Becky, look at that butt. It is so big.
"I like big butts, and I cannot lie, You other brothers can't deny...."

C: said:
"I can hear the ocean!"

Mike WJ said:
Minutes after recovering his missing wristwatch, Tim posed for a quick photo with Trudy and her proctologist.

To read all the hilarious entries, go here.

We have a winner!

There can be only one winner, folks. This week's winner of Caption This! is no stranger to The Screaming Me-Me. He's the only blogger I know who maintains not one, not two, but three blogs. Everyone, give Dufus a big hand! This is his second win here and, once again, takes home the coveted Golden Phallus for his trophy case. Congratulations!!! If you've never stopped by nonamedufus, you really ought to, especially on Wednesday when he offers his caption contest Pause, Ponder and Pun.

Now, the winning caption.....

"Vice cops Sgt Brown and Lt Kruger display their latest haul -
80 lbs of crack."

For those of you who have not voted yet, please stop by Studio 30 Plus today and vote for The Screaming Me-Me!!! which has been nominated for "Best Blog Design/Layout". Plus, you may find some of your other blogging buddies have been nominated in various other categories as well. C'mon, it will only take a minute of your time to vote here.

Enjoy your weekend!

Quotable: Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks is a member of the short list of entertainers with the distinction of having won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony award. Three of his films (Blazing Saddles, The Producers and Young Frankenstein) ranked in the Top 20 on the American Film Institute's list of the Top 100 comedy films of all-time. --Wikipedia


1. Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

2. I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

3. If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

4. If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.

5. Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

6. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

7. He who hesitates is poor.

8. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

9. Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

10. Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.

A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

Holy moly! I do believe it's time to build a really big boat and gather all the animals two-by-two, except for the snakes. It's pouring rain here in the desert. It began raining just after mid-night and will continue today until we hit the 2 inch mark. And that's not all, we are also under a high wind warning with wind speeds of 65 mph expected. Whoa!

The one prediction you can count on out here when we get this much rain is the featured story during the 6 o'clock news. There is always that one idiot who feels they can cross a flooded 4' wash. Man, I just love watching a good rescue, helicopters and all.

Don't worry, Quirky, I'll bring the boat around for you and your quirky family.

Yesterday, when I was out making the rounds, The Peach Tart and In Jayne's World asked their readers to vote for them in a "Best of Blogs" over at Studio 30 Plus. So, I went over to do my part and, lo and behold, I discovered The Screaming Me-Me!!! had been nominated for Best Blog Design/Layout. I would really appreciate if you would pop over today and vote, it only takes a minute to sign up.

Also nominated are some of my readers who stop by here regularly:

• Indigo Wrath
• moooooog's Mental Poo
• The Soggy Doggy
• The Offended Blogger
• Musings of a QuirkyLoon
• The Hussy Housewife
• In Jayne's World
• The Peach Tart
• Wizard of Otin
• The Screaming Me-Me!!!

We would all really appreciate your vote - now, go here and get 'er done!

And, as a reminder, Caption This! No. 28 is still open. Be sure to pop on over and enter your caption for this week's photo. If nothing else, you will die laughing reading those captions which have already been submitted. Go here.

Well, this is it for now. I've got to go and empty the buckets!

Me-Me's Playhouse Caption This! No. 28

Welcome and thanks for stopping by to play another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!

Take a look at the photo below and give it your best captions, enter as often as you'd like.

Be sure to check back on Saturday when the decision of The Impartial Panel of Three hands down their decision. The prize? The Golden Phallus.

Good luck!



Once you've finished here, stop on by Dufus' place for more caption action.

Me-Me's Neighborhood No.3

Ohhhhh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Today's featured neighbor is rather new here to the neighborhood. Please drop by her place today for a visit and make her feel welcomed. Simply drop her a note and "follow" her, it's the neighborly thing to do.

Kelly first stopped by here for a visit back when I was doing that series from hell, The Fractured ABC's of Christmas. On that particular day the letter was C - C is for Comment. I was bitching and moaning and challenged my readers, I wanted 50 comments. One of those who answered my cry for attention was Kelly.....

"A challenge! I love challenges! So here's my comment and I can't wait to see you visiting my dreary little blog. It's not really dreary. I just don't receive a lot of comments. Or followers. And now I sound like I'm whining and fishing for attention. Which I am."

After reading her comment, I immediately went over to Kelly's Kvetch of the Day. Now, I had been challenged - a challenge to the challenge. I began reading her latest post, A Gift That Keeps on Giving. I was rolling, in the first paragraph she talked about how she liked to see pictures of a fellow blogger's dog humping the cat because she's kinky like that. Plus, she refers to her two children as Thing 1 and Thing 2!! Her writing style coupled with what she has to say is hilarious. After I clicked the "follow" button, I left Kelly this comment.....

"You are hysterical!!! I decided to read your post out loud like a Cali-girl and it was the most fun I've had all day!!!"

What a perfect fit Kelly is for the neighborhood. You will love her! So make her feel welcomed - pop on over, click that "follow" button and give her a great big "howdy".

Feelin' The Love

I am takin' care of a little business this morning because I have received a couple of awards and I would like to give thanks and recognition to those who thought enough of me to include me in their presentations.

This first award comes from a very special gal, a fellow Arizonan - Christiejolu over at Tales From My Head! This is also my very first award for 2010. See the crown? I rule!!! Thank you so much, Christiejolu, you rock! And does she ever, she's and I are both die-hard fans of Alice and Chains.


My second award was presented to me by my long-time blogging buddy Dufus over at nonamedufus. Although Dufus and I have had our differences in the past, mostly due to time zones, he feels right at home here at The Screaming Me-Me. Thank you, Dufus, you also rock! This is evident by his knowledge of rock 'n roll over at his blog dufusdownbeat where he is truly the master.



This morning I'm feelin' the love.

Caption This! No. 27 Winner!

My-o-my! This week's photo certainly brought in a "rash" of responses. Thank you all for playing Caption This! The Panel has handed down their decision; however, we do have a few players who have received a most-honorable mention. Let's get to it, shall we?

The following folks submitted very creative captions, congratulations y'all!

Dufus said:
"Sven the midwife takes a moment to celebrate the delivery of Sarah's little bundle of joy."

moooooog said:
"It was on or around this time that we had to make Lou stop feeding the piranhas for his own good."

Geek Girl said:
"Holy Itchy Arms from Hell, Batman. That's the last time I hump a tree."

Marvin said:
"Mama warned me about shagging on the carpet. Shit and ouch! - look at these rug burns!"

We have a winner!

This week's Caption This! winner is a blogging buddy who I originally met through Entrecard. Her blog, Think Spin, is a satirical slant on culture, life, and society, in addition to humorous/ironic commentary. Trust me, she's one funny lady. Lauren, please stand up and take bow. Congratulations! You take home The Golden Phallus to add to your trophy case. Everyone, be sure to drop by Lauren's place today and give her a high-five!

Now, the winning caption!

"Dirk the dumb ass put his elbows on the table at Benihana's
Steak House and then proceeded to get grilled by the chef."

Thank you all again for playing, see you next time!

Web Redemption

Do you all remember that kid David who went to the dentist last year? Remember how his dad video taped the effects the drugs had? "Is this real life?" If you never saw this viral video, I posted it last February and you can see it here.

Well, last night on Comedy Central's Tosh.O, David got his revenge. For those of you who have never watched Tosh.O's program, you are really missing some great comedy. This guy is freakin' hilarious, he says what everyone is really thinking. Check your local listings or you can visit his blog here.

Anyway, take a couple of minutes to watch, this is funny as hell! UPDATE: If you live in Canada, you won't be able to view this video. Sorry, you're S.O.L.

Tosh.0
David After 'David After Dentist'
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

By the way, if you haven't entered your caption for this week's Caption This!, you can do so here.

Me-Me's Playhouse Caption This! No. 27

Here we are again, it's Wednesday and time for Caption This!

Amaze your friends and family! You will take home the coveted Golden Phallus if you're able to impress The Impartial Panel of Three with your most-clever caption. Be sure to enter often and check back here on Saturday when the winner is announced.

So, what's up with this guy?


Please drop by Dufus' Place for more cockamamy captioning!

Me-Me's Neighborhood No. 2

Last week you were introduced to my new feature called, Me-Me's Neighborhood. Think of it as a neighborhood party. You know most everyone, but there are still a few neighbors you haven't had the pleasure of meeting just yet. Who knows, you might be surprised by a common interest you share plus it's always nice to make new friends. All I ask is that you welcome them to the neighborhood by visiting and leaving a little note to let them know you stopped by.

Ohhhhh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Remember when you first started blogging and how excited you were when the first couple of people sent you a friend request via BlogCatalog? Then their faces appeared on your followers widget? As a newbie, you are elated that someone out there actually likes what you are doing, you feel validated. For me, these are the people I remember vividly.

Well, today's featured neighbor has been stalking me from the very beginning. I'd like to introduce you all to RedRaider (aka Don) over at Beyond Left Field. Not only has Don been there since I entered the blogosphere, but he was also the first to ever review my blog in his feature, a pimp post for discerning taste, The Sunday Suck-Up Times. After reading his glowing review of The Screaming Me-Me, I was thrilled. I knew then I had arrived!

Beyond Left Field is a southern man's daily rant. Don's sardonic humor and writing style truly draw the reader in. Believe you me, he holds nothing back. It's raw, it's engaging and downright funny. Being from the south myself, visiting with Don each day is like a big dose of down home. I totally relate and I'm sure you will too.

When you visit Beyond Left Field today you'll notice his motto, "I only do that which I do best which is why I do very little." Don't you believe it. Don also wears the hat of administrator over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com and has been my knight in shining armor a couple of times when I've gotten into technical trouble. Ah, I found his soft spot, the southern gentleman emerges when there's a damsel in distress.

I'm know many of you already follow Don, but for those of you who have never visited, please click on over and give him a great big howdy!

Born Under A Bad Sign

Hello all - Isn't funny when you read your horoscope and you know it's so far off the mark that just you roll your eyes and mutter yeah right, but secretly you wish someone will show at your door with a large check to end your financial woes? Of course, the check never arrives, but for a fleeting moment - you had hope as you planned how you would actually spend the money.

Well, here's my horoscope for today.....

Dear Leo,

You may have all kinds of big ideas about how you can express yourself today. You want to be magnificently creative in your actions, but it could be inappropriate if your responsibilities need to come first. Transform your frustration into productivity because you'll have the greatest positive impact on your own self-esteem now by attending to unfinished business.

How odd...I do have some pressing unfinished business I must attend to today. For once, my horoscope was right on. Unfortunately, this will take me away from the blogoshere today, but I will be back tomorrow with all my big creative ideas.

Ciao!

Caption This! No. 26 Winner!

Yesterday was pretty weird here around my place. Just minutes after I published yesterday's post, the cable went out. In my household I "bundle" with a cable company which provides my telephone, internet and television. The first couple of hours I was picking up the phone, checking the TV and looking for an internet connection every 5 minutes. Nothing, zip, nada. It was so quiet here, it was freaky. During the night as I slept, the service was restored.

This is funny.....in my inbox was an email from the cable company alerting me there had been a cable cut in my neighborhood and they are working diligently to restore service. Huh? Thanks cable company, I appreciate you letting me know at a time when it was impossible to receive your email. Morons! At least you could have called. *smirk*

Anyway, on with the show.....


Wow, thank you all very much for playing this week's edition of Caption This! I see we had some first-time players this week - welcome, hope to see you here again next week as well.

The Panel has made their decision. But, before we get to the winning caption, we have a few most-honorable mentions to announce. The following have received a nod:



Freak Smack had a couple of great submissions, one being
♫ Oh, I wish I were an Os-car Meyer Wie - ner
That is what I'd tru-ly like to be
'cause if I were an Os-car Mey-er Wie - ner
I wouldn't have this dick in me. ♫

Mr. Knucklehead said:
"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home, and THIS little piggy took it in the rump from a cross-dressing geezer. All the way home. "

Lauren said:
"The Divine Miss Swine gets porked by Grandpa Fancy Panties."

C: said:
"Oh, Ha-ha, Asshole! I got yer "Makin' Bacon" right here!"

We have a wiener, I mean, a winner.....

As you can see, The Panel's decision was not an easy one this week. Our winner is new to our little contest and our congratulations goes to....Fragrant Liar. Wooo-hooo! Her caption was simple and to the point. You really must visit her and follow today...her blog is A Grin Cheese on Wry with a Side of ROFLMAO. Here's to you, Fragrant Liar, you take home The Golden Phallus. Display it proudly, show the world you are one bad-ass!

Now, the winning caption.....

Pork you very much!

bedee-bedee-bedee, That's all folks.....

Loose Change

You know how it is, during our day-to-day lives, we are constantly collecting data. Every now and then when I find something kindda cool, I write it down on a piece of, god only knows what, scratch paper and then throw it in the center drawer after it sits on top of my desk for 2-3 days. So, at least every 4 maybe 5 or 6 months, I get motivated and clean out the drawer.

Today is the day! 2 pairs of glasses, business cards, CDs, loose change.....well, I've got my trash can ready and the rest of the day.

Piles. I make lots of piles. Let's see, there's the interesting facts pile, the "To Do" list pile (*snort*, yeah right) and the "WTF?" pile. WTF? is the largest.

Louie, Louie
111-66-999-66

Then I find the occasional grocery list. The fact that I even make a grocery list is laughable. Anyway, what trip was I on when I wrote down these four items: Avocado, duct tape, extension cord and a plastic comb? Am I going to cook? Or am I making a bomb?

survival-center.com

Oh, there's the AA battery pile. So far the count is five, the sixth one is bound to turn up. Don't they usually work in pairs? Now, I have to test each one. Any bets on whether or not any of them work? Hell, I'll even put 5-bucks on that.

St. Patrick was not Irish.

I need a shoebox lid to keep my pens, pencils and other accoutrement necessary to make my life more simple when I'm in desk world. Can I get a show of hands? How many of you have a pair of tweezers at your desk? You wouldn't believe the number of uses this tool has, it's amazing. I highly recommend you get a pair.

Stephan Wright
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

So Long, Farewell.....

I quit!
Yep, stick me with a fork, I'm done!

After almost a year of click, click, clicking, I have canceled my account with Entrecard. So, to all you good people who actually stopped, dropped, read and commented - I thank you! I do hope you will continue to visit me and I promise I'll visit you as well. But, to those of you that just stopped, dropped and rolled on out of here - see ya!

What a load off my shoulders, not to mention my wrist. This will now free me up an hour and a half each and every day. This is time that will be much better spent visiting blogs and commenting. Look out, here I come!

If you haven't enter your caption for this week's Caption This!, click on over and give it a shot for your chance to win The Golden Phallus!

Me-Me's Playhouse Caption This! No. 26

Okay, boys and girls it's time for.....

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 26

Wooohooo!

Please take a look at this week's photo and give it your best shot. Remember, you may enter as often as you like. The Impartial Panel of Three will hand down its decision and the winner will be announced here on Saturday. The winner takes home the The Golden Phallus, the coveted trophy.

Good luck!



Oh, if you love captioning contests, be sure to check out Dufus' place for more fun!

Quotable: W. C. Fields

Fields’s screen character was often fond of alcohol and this trait has become part of the Fields legend. In his younger days as a juggler, Fields himself never drank, because he didn’t want to impair his functions while performing. The loneliness of his constant touring and traveling, however, compelled Fields to keep liquor on hand for fellow performers, so he could invite them to his dressing room for companionship and cocktails. Only then did Fields cultivate a fondness for alcohol. ---Wikipedia

1. I can't stand water because of the things fish do in it.

2. I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

3. No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

4. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

5. Never give a sucker an even break.

6. Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

7. There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

8. Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

9. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

10. Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

11. Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

12. Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

13. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Me-Me's Neighborhood No. 1

The new year brings a new feature to The Screaming Me-Me, Me-Me's Neighborhood.

Think of it as a neighborhood party. You know most everyone, but there are still a few neighbors you haven't had the pleasure of meeting just yet. Who knows, you might be surprised by the common interest you share plus it's always nice to make new friends. All I ask is that you welcome them to the neighborhood by visiting and leaving a little note to let them know you stopped by.

Ohhhhh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

To kick things off, I'd would like to introduce you to dufusdownbeat. I know what you're thinking , "But we already know Dufus". Well, you may know nonamedufus of Humor Bloggers Dot Com fame, but you may not be aware of one of his other two blogs, dufusdownbeat.

dufusdownbeat is a blog dedicated to rock 'n roll music. His knowledge is vast when it comes to the music of eras gone by. Let me tell you, if there were ever a Rock 'n Roll Jeopardy, Dufus would definitely take the championship title. Plus, he always provides a video of his featured artist. I find it's a nice break in the day to stop, listen and reminisce.

"Tune in, turn on.....Our goal here is to enjoy rediscovering some great music from days gone by while learning a little about the artists - perhaps some trivia or little known fact. Weekends are usually reserved for odd or offbeat tunes and performances." ---dufusdownbeat

If you are a child of the 60's or 70's or if you just love rock 'n roll music, this is a blog for you. dufusdownbeat has started the new year in a new home. So, be sure to take a good look around while you are there. Oh, and don't forget to say, "howdy"!

Gimme That Old Time Religion...Ha!

People of the flock, are you looking for answers to questions where organized religions and governments have failed you? Are you looking for money, weird sex and sheer power over others? Well, look no further.

You may have noticed the picture on my sidebar of Bob Dobbs. I'm sure you are all wondering, "Just who is Bob Dobbs?" J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the greatest salesman that has ever lived, he has cheated death several times and is the figurehead of the Church of the Sub-Genius. Bob Dobbs is the savior of 'slack'.

I hear you, "Me-Me, just what is the Church of the Sub-Genius?". Thank you for asking. The Church of the Sub-Genius is a mutant offshoot of Discordianism launched in 1981 as a spoof of fundamentalist Christianity led by the 'Reverend' Ivan Stang. Much Sub-Genius theory is concerned with the acquisition of the mystical substance or quality of 'slack'.

I know, your wheels are spinning. The essence of 'slack' it a state of laziness, the absence of work or thought. Or, as it has been described, to be a divine state of infinite mental inactivity, right up there with hibernation, or the concept of nirvana. In the church of the sub-geniustrue, 'slack' is the ultimate goal and surpasses any pleasure of the flesh or mind.



Take charge of your life, friends. I invite you to further explore The Church of the Sub-Genius. Become a member of this lucrative cult, sign up today and save $5000! You will instantly become an ordained minister. In addition to the propaganda pamphlets, you will receive a wallet-sized minister's card which allows you perform weddings - legally. No salesman will call.

Praise Bob!

Caption This! No. 25 Winner!

Happy New Year!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy new year's celebration. I know I did. That's why I wasn't around yesterday, I was still in blue moon mode. I celebrated by participating in a progressive dinner where 20 friends went from house-to-house for each of the six courses. The timing was perfect as we rang in the new year with desert. It was fabulous!

On with the show.....

Thank you all for playing Caption This! The Panel has made their decision. The following have been given a nod by The Panel by receiving a most-honorable mention.

moooooog said:
"OMG OMG OMG someone PLEASE tell us that you brought a bag of Doritos."

The Old Silly said:
"You think we're stupid? Like we can't count or something? You said 36 dime bags, scumbag ... there's only 35 here. We get back to our boys with one missing and they'll KNOW we've been skimming."

Leeuna said:
"Skanktown's Police Department holds its annual pot sale."

We have a winner.....

The first winner of the new year is not a stranger here at Caption This! Give a round of applause for Freak Smack. In case you have never visited his blog, you need to pop over and take a look. Freak Smack tells the tale of those recently incarcerated.....hilarious! Congratulations, Freak Smack, here's another Golden Phallus for your trophy case.


Now, for the winning caption.....

34 Sandwich Baggies $1.37...
Impound lot Fees $250.00...
New Vehicle Interior $2,674.35...
The Look on Their Faces When They Realize it's
Just Catnip and Oregano... Priceless

Thanks again for playing, see you here again next Wednesday for another edition of Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This!