From Zero To 200 In Six Seconds

From Zero To 200 In Six Seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him, "Tomorrow I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in six seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!" 

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house.

She quickly opened it and, much to her surprise, she found a new bathroom scale.

Needless to say, Bob has been missing since Friday.

Remember.....you have until midnight Sunday to enter your captions over at Me-Me's Playhouse: "Caption This!" No. 5. You are vying for the coveted Golden Phallus plus 500 EC credits. 

Me-Me's Playhouse: Caption This! No. 5

First, I'd like to recognize the following Top 10 EntreCard droppers for dropping by during the month of May. Thank you !

1. Hello Kitty Gifts

2. Computer Aid

3. The Way I See It

4. First Time

5. The Exaggerator

6. comatised 

7. Beyond Feron

8. Blogger Rise

9. Kitchen Retro

10. Rocket Scientist

Now, it's time for another installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: "Caption This!". The rules are simple and the prize is mighty.  

View the photo below.  Enter as may captions as you like by mid-night Sunday. The Impartial Panel of Three will render their decision and the announcement of the winning caption will be made here on Monday.  

The winning author will take home the Golden Phallus and 500 EntreCard credits. Good luck!

Click the photo for a closer look...or not!

Crazy Women Drivers!

As women, we sure take a lot of guff for our lack of driving skills. Well, in the 38 years I've been a licensed driver, I've never received a ticket. I happen to take great pride in my ability to hold a vehicle on the road. I swear, you'll never find me yakking it up on my cell phone and applying mascara while driving, I'm much too busy paying attention and driving defensively. So, I feel that these claims about women drivers are totally unwarranted.

Then I ran across this YouTube video that shows two women fighting over a parking spot. Crazy women drivers!

Wacky Wednesday! - Ideas & Inventions

While watching television yesterday, I noticed a number of we-want your-inventions commercials. They promised to patent, design, develop and market your invention or ideas - send for your free inventor's kit today! Then I remembered watching Billy Mays' show, Pitchmen, where he is doing basically doing the same thing.  The one and only time I ever watched his program, he wrote a check to a guy for $150,000 that had invented the something-or-other. 

Could it be that these tenuous economic times are bringing the inventors out of the woodwork?During the Great Depression there were a number of inventions introduced, for example: the car radio, runway lighting, the chocolate chip cookie, the staple remover, the tape dispenser, nylon, teflon and polarized sunglasses.  Take a look at the video below and you'll view a number of ideas and inventions that didn't quite make it. Some are really hilarious.

Have you ever pursued having one of your ideas marketed? I have a few ideas up my sleeve and, man, could I ever use a $150,000! Now, where did I put that 1-800 number?

Women 101

Guys are you having a hard time trying to figure out your woman, a woman or any woman at all? I've put together a small list of tips that might help you to better understand the woman in your life or the woman you want in your life. Please study these tips carefully then, as usual, approach with caution.

1. Any good woman will tell you, honesty is not always the best policy. Example: Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

2. Every woman is self-conscience about her ass.  Tell her you love her ass and you'll see it more often.

3. Do away with the Old Spice and pick up a box of Good & Plenty, women are turned on by the scent of black licorice. 

4. Gain her trust when you're out by calling her at 10 pm. She'll go to bed content because you are thinking of her even if you are slurping Jell-O shots from a stripper's cleavage.

5. At one point or another, your love interest will go through your things looking for evidence from past relationships. I'm talking photos, letters, mementos, address books, journals. Get rid of this stuff before you let her into your home; if you have something to hide, she'll find it. 

6. It never hurts to say you are sorry, even if you don't mean it.

7. Foghat's Slow Ride is not about a trip in a car. Get the hint?

8. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

9. Women can not live without tension. Every once in a while she is going to pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

10. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every 1 she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid - you're 1 of the 10.

11. Women who are obsessed with their dogs will also keep you on a short leash.

12. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turn-off in the world.

13. Jewelry is always the perfect last minute gift.

14. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem. All women just love a make-over project.

15. Women want to talk dirty, but they're afraid you won't respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed does not make her less classy and she'll probably go wild. Gin or Vodka helps.

This concludes today's lesson. Any tips you'd like to share?  

 

"Caption This" No. 4: The Winner Is.....

Before we get to the winning caption of this installment of Me-Me's Playhouse: "Caption This!", I want to share a few On This Day in History events with you. Salute!

1. 1926 - Actress Marilyn Monroe was born.

2. 1947 - Rocker Ron Wood was born.

3. 1967 - The album, St. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was released.

4. 1980 - CNN made its debut.

5. 2009 - Conan O'Brien takes the reigns as host of The Tonight Show

Now, on with the show.....

You all did a fantastic job with submitting captions this time around, thank you so much for your participation. 39 Screaming Fans have spoken and The Impartial Panel of Three has given thumbs-up to moooooog35, nonamedufus, Ungirdled Passion, Stephanie M and P.L. Frederick - all have received a most-honorable mention.

The envelope please.....

The winning author of this installment of "Caption This" that will take home the much sought after Golden Phallus plus 500 EC credits is Tiggy over at Tiggy Blog. Be sure to pop over to her blog for a visit - her observations are hilarious! Congratulations!

 "And, if you think this is weird, 

you should see my testicles."